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| A Children’s History of the Great American Empire |
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| Commentary/Politics - Guest Commentaries | |||
| Wednesday, 30 January 2008 02:27 | |||
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A SPECIAL NOTE TO THE CLASS OF 2047 Welcome to the Federalized Educational & Socialization Indoctrination System of the Great American Imperium. The Senior Lifetime Bureaucrats in charge of programming your minds to ensure your Obedience and Usefulness to the State have officially prepared this History Textbook "for the children." This should have already been explained to you by your parents. If your parents have told you anything different, you must immediately report it to the Political Correctness Officer of your school. This is your History Book. It was paid for by Taxpayers. If you should lose it, scribble in it, rip pages from it, or destroy it in a fit of desperate boredom, simply ask your Politically Connected Lifetime Tenured Unionized Fully Vested Teacher to give you another one. Since Textbooks are paid for by Taxpayers, there is an unlimited supply of them. (Allow 12 to 14 months for replacement textbooks to make their way through the official FEMA Federalized/Unionized Homeland Security distribution system.) This History book, combined with the Politically Correct Agenda forced on your Teacher, will teach you everything you need to know about the history of the Great American Hegemon in which you live. If your Teacher deviates even once from the Official Script, contact your school's Political Correctness Officer. Please pay attention in class. If you don't, it is okay. In today's modern, enlightened, communitarian student-based instructional environment, your Teacher is not allowed to discipline you, touch you, talk mean to you, or look at you sternly. If your Teacher does any of these things, tell your Political Correctness Officer.
CHAPTER 1: HISTORY OF THE EMPIRE FROM BEGINNING TIMES TO NOW In the Beginning Times, there was a lot of land and the people were disadvantaged and unequal and exploited. Then Government created a Country and organized the people into One Big Village and invented Social Justice and took care of everybody for free. If anyone tells you this is not true, like your parents or mentally disturbed old people who have strange, goofy ideas, or especially those Education Terrorists who call themselves Libertarians who try to get you hooked on illegal "alternative texts" like Revisionist History, tell your Political Correctness Officer immediately.
CHAPTER 2: THE NOW TIMES The History of Now is very important. If you learn this history properly and never question it, you can continue along a State-Approved Indoctrination Process that will allow you to someday become a Senior Lifetime Bureaucrat in charge of something. To do so, you will have to bribe, blackmail, and pressure your way through the incomprehensible Civil Service job matrix from Junior Suck-Up to Self-Seeker to Toady to Sycophant to Master Manipulator. If you don't know anyone who can weasel you into a Government Job, you will be forced into a lifetime as a Common Working Taxpayer. The first lesson to learn about history is that History is Politics and Politics is History. If a Great American Politician did not do something and take credit for it, it didn't happen. The second lesson is: History is Politics and Politics is Truth.
QUICKIE FUN QUIZ 1. If anyone tells you anything that is not approved by the Federal Office of Indoctrination, you must report it to your Political Correctness Officer. TRUE/FALSE 2. Your Teacher is not allowed to talk back to you. TRUE/FALSE 3. Libertarian Thought-Terrorists will try to slip ugly lies into your brain. TRUE/FALSE
CHAPTER 3: MODERN HISTORY OF THE GREAT AMERICAN EMPIRE Memorize this list of American Emperors from the Bushus-Clintonium Dynasty: Geo Bushus I Willium Clintonium Geo W Bushus II Hillarius Clintonium JEB Bushus the Younger Chelsæ Clintonium Jenna Bushus Twin I and Barbarius Bushus Twin II, Sovereign Royals of the Pax Americana Dual Throne
CHAPTER 4: CONCLUSION You have passed this course whether you learned anything or not. Congratulations.
More of Garry Reed's writing can be found at (http://www.freecannon.com). Trackback(0)
Comments (3)
  written by Marc, January 31, 2008
There is a rumor circulating that the Imperial Senate, after taking impeachment off the table, has instead decided give our emperor the the title of Gaius Caesar Germanicus Maximus Augustus, Pontifex, Consul lV, Imperator, Tribuniciae potestatis, Pater Patriae, Conquerer of Iraq and Protector of Military-Industrial Interests.
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The official text takes up 9,000 volumes in small type so every petty bureaucrat and toady can get their full share of glory by describing all of their exploits in detail. I think it used to be called the "congressional record" and individual state legislative records... or something like that.
They quit trying to write down all the "rules" and "laws" a long time ago, however. It was such a waste of paper and everything worked so much better when they just gave up and admitted they made it all up as they went along anyway.