Fake! Print
Commentary/Politics - Guest Commentaries
Tuesday, 20 February 2001 18:00
“I always said that moon landing was a phony.” “What moon landing? Two more, will ya, Mike? And a coupla Slim Jims.” “You know, that whole thing where they were supposed to land on the moon and then walk around and hit golf balls and stuff. That thing back in 1860 or whatever.”

“Oh, yeah. I seen pictures of that. Thanks, Mike. Whaddaya mean, it was a phony?”

“They had this thing on TV last night, some kinda documentary. Moon Conspiracy. Turns out they staged the whole thing, just like a movie.”

“Who did?”

“Whaddayacallit. NASA. They built this phony spaceship, and put some guys in astronaut outfits, and filmed the whole thing out in some desert in the middle of Nevada.”

“No kiddin’. Nevada?”

“Yeah, because it looked like the moon, with all that sand and stuff.”

“But what if they were filming this moon landing and somebody came driving by on their way to Vegas?”

“I dunno. They probably edited that part out. Or they put the spaceship so you couldn’t see the cars going by.”

“Wow, that’s something. Mike, you got any more beer nuts? So, how’d they finally figure out it was a phony?”

“They had some experts on, real sharp guys, one of ’em even wrote a book about it. They looked real close at all the photographs, and they said you couldn’t see no stars or nothing.”

“They got no stars in Nevada?”

“I dunno, something like that. And the crater where the rocket was supposed to land wasn’t big enough. And I think there was some McDonald’s wrappers on the ground, too. Anyway, they knew it was fake.”

“Geez. And nobody knew all these years?”

“Naw. You know the government. Always pulling something. I heard they blew up the building in Oklahoma City just so they could blame it on that guy with the crew cut. And then the whole thing with the UFOs. I mean, my neighbor saw one. And he’s a chiropractor, for God’s sake.”

“What about all those guys who supposedly walked on the moon? And the engineers and stuff?”

“Paid ’em off, that’s all. Money talks, b.s. walks.”

“Yeah, but not on the moon.”

“Hah, good one. Thanks, Mike. You got any beef jerky?”

“What about all those Russians?”

“What about ’em?”

“Well, I thought we were, you know, in some kinda space race. Like, who gets to the moon first. Why didn’t they say anything about this whole movie thing?”

“Oh, they covered that in this documentary. Turns out this Nixon guy — he was the president or something then — told the Russians he’d sell ’em wheat real cheap if they’d keep their mouths shut.”

“Wheat, huh? I didn’t know they ate wheat. I thought it was just vodka and stuff.”

“Yeah, me, too. That’s why I like them reality shows; you always learn something. Like where they got a hidden camera and some chef is spittin’ on your sandwich. You can’t fake that stuff.”

“That’s right. Two more, Mike. Run a tab, will ya?”

“That’s why I don’t buy this whole evolution thing.”

“Whaddaya mean?”

“You know, where they say we’re all related to monkeys.”

“Another conspiracy?”

“That’s right.”

“I heard they froze Walt Disney.”

“Had to. He knew too much.”

Copyright 2001 Newrite, Inc. All rights reserved. GLW’s on WGN Radio AM 720 and wgnradio.com. Coming soon: newsjunkie.net.