The Audacity of Grope

My friend’s girlfriend hits on me all the time. (We’re all lesbians.) She always offers to get me a drink before she gets her girlfriend one, and she’s taken to giving me quick shoulder rubs and stomach pokes. The other night was really bad. A bunch of us were seated around a big table, and after I said something that made her laugh, she slapped my thigh and left her hand there a long time and started rubbing it. She was drunk, but still. I moved my chair over and ignored her for the rest of the night. My friend seems oblivious, and I’ve contemplated telling her, but I suspect she’d be terribly embarrassed. So, what am I supposed to do? Just not have a social life?

– Fondled

Going out with your friends shouldn’t remind you of the last time you were body-searched at the airport, save for how the airport groper-lady probably looked like she wanted to get it over with fast, not like she wanted to lick your tattoo.