THE CHANGE-UP

The Change-Up, in which Jason Bateman’s discontented husband and father magically swaps bodies with Ryan Reynolds’ perfectly contented slacker dumb-ass, is an appallingly smutty and juvenile slapstick. In the segment that finds Reynolds (in Bateman’s body) preparing a late-night feeding for his pal’s infant twins – with one tot seen playing with butcher knives and the other reaching into the blender and sticking his tongue into an electrical socket – it features one of the most painfully unfunny scenes in cinema history, and I’m not excluding any given scene in Sophie’s Choice or Schindler’s List.

COWBOYS & ALIENS

A full six writers are credited with the script and screen story for director Jon Favreau’s sci-fi/Western hybrid Cowboys & Aliens, which, based on the evidence, averages out to them contributing roughly half a fresh idea apiece. And I’m including the inspiration to call its saloon-keeper, rather than its doctor, "Doc."

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

Modern romantic comedies are in such generally dismal shape that I feel ungrateful for wishing that Friends with Benefits were better than it actually is. But while it’s impossible to fully dislike any movie that finds a nitwit shrieking “John Mayer is our generation’s Sheryl Crow!” or features a couple making a solemn vow on the Bible app of the woman’s iPad, I left director Will Gluck’s latest thinking that the film had just missed its mark. And that, after two frequently hysterical features in a row (2009’s Fired Up!, Gluck’s directorial debut, and last year’s Easy A), its helmer had just missed his trifecta. Damn it.

THE TREE OF LIFE

Terrence Malick’s The Tree of Life is total bliss, and I mean that in the term’s general and theological definitions.

HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2

As the end credits began rolling at my screening of Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, the (need I say it?) final installment in the film series adapted from J.K. Rowling’s beloved novels, I’ll admit that I anticipated more applause than I actually heard. Then again, it’s awfully hard to clap while simultaneously wiping tears from your cheeks.