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"A Very Long Engagement" Is Very, Very Good: Also, "Ice Princess" PDF Print E-mail
Movies - Reviews
Written by Mike Schulz   
Tuesday, 29 March 2005 18:00

Gaspard Ulliel in A Very Long EngagementA VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT

Its love scenes are like Titanic meets The English Patient, its battle scenes suggest what might happen if the Coen brothers remade Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket, and yet A Very Long Engagement is enormously enjoyable; this mad amalgam of genres and styles seems almost tailor-made for the talents of its director, Jean-Pierre Jeunet.

 
"The Ring Two" All Wet: Also, "Hostage" and "Aliens of the Deep" PDF Print E-mail
Movies - Reviews
Written by Mike Schulz   
Tuesday, 22 March 2005 18:00

Naomi Watts in The Ring TwoTHE RING TWO

After sitting through the lifeless horror sequel The Ring Two, the only thing I wanted – besides a major jolt of caffeine to wake me up – was a towel. What is up with all the freakin’ water in this movie? With the exceptions of Ariel in The Little Mermaid and Esther Williams in anything, I can’t think of a leading actress who spends as much screen time soaked as Naomi Watts does in this half-hearted follow-up to 2002’s The Ring.

 
Unexpected Moments Enliven "The Pacifier": Also, "Stage Beauty" and "Robots" PDF Print E-mail
Movies - Reviews
Written by Mike Schulz   
Tuesday, 15 March 2005 18:00

Vin Diesel in The PacifierTHE PACIFIER

There’s a moment in the Vin Diesel family comedy The Pacifier that should have really pissed me off, but instead it made me almost unaccountably happy: About midway through the film, Diesel, playing a former Navy SEAL entrusted with the safety of five fatherless youths (you’ve seen the trailers, you get the idea), enters their suburban digs covered in raw sewage, the victim of a practical joke pulled by the family’s oldest siblings.

 
"Be Cool" a Maddening Waste of Time and Talent: Also, "The Jacket" and "Cursed" PDF Print E-mail
Movies - Reviews
Written by Mike Schulz   
Monday, 07 March 2005 18:00

Uma Thurman and John Travolta in Be CoolBE COOL

Granted, I’ve missed a few of the year’s more high-profile flicks – Are We There Yet?, White Noise, Son of the Mask, that thing with the Heffalumps – but, in general, the releases I have viewed have been so crummy as to be some kind of joke. (The Citizen Kane of the group would actually be the remake of Assault on Precinct 13, which should tell you everything you need to know about Hollywood’s output in early 2005.) But, with the arrival of Be Cool, the joke is no longer funny. Be Cool is worse than Elektra. Hell, it’s worse than Alone in the Dark. I literally can’t remember the last time I left a screening feeling so angered by the waste of time and talent onscreen; it’s the sort of smug, lazy Bad Movie that puts you in a foul mood for the rest of the day.

 
"Constantine"’s Moments of Inspiration Can’t Save It: Also, "P.S." PDF Print E-mail
Movies - Reviews
Written by Mike Schulz   
Tuesday, 01 March 2005 18:00

Keanu Reeves in ConstantineCONSTANTINE

At one point in Bryan Singer’s original X-Men film, Wolverine stares at the fetishistic black-leather duds he and his teammates are wearing and asks, incredulously, “You actually go outside in these things?” To which Cyclops, in-joking on the character’s original Marvel-comic attire, replies, “What, would you prefer yellow Spandex?” God, yes.

 
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