25 May 2015

It's a Pall World After All: "Tomorrowland" and "Poltergeist"

By Mike Schulz

Britt Robertson in TomorrowlandTOMORROWLAND

To the credit of Disney's marketing team, the intriguingly vague previews for Tomorrowland provided just enough (a grizzled George Clooney, "directed by Brad Bird" in the credits, no number at the title's end or colon in its middle) to make the film appear promising without explicitly stating what it was about, or whom it was meant for. Having now seen Bird's futuristic adventure, I know what it's about - mainly because, from its first seconds, Disney's latest live-action endeavor keeps spelling out its themes in big block letters. Whom it's meant for, however, remains a mystery.

28 Sep 2014

Both Eyes for an Eye, a Jaw for a Tooth: "The Equalizer" and "The Boxtrolls"

By Mike Schulz

Denzel Washington in The EqualizerTHE EQUALIZER

As he did, to great acclaim and an Oscar victory, in director Antoine Fuqua's Training Day, Denzel Washington plays a psychopath in Fuqua's new action thriller The Equalizer. And the most interesting thing about the movie - in truth, the only interesting thing about this laughably earnest, resoundingly foolish endeavor - is that none of its on- or off-screen participants seems to realize it.

27 Apr 2014

Cheat Wave: "The Other Woman," "The Quiet Ones," and "Brick Mansions"

By Mike Schulz

Cameron Diaz, Kate Upton, and Leslie Mann in The Other WomanTHE OTHER WOMAN

Unduly high expectations, as we all know, can sometimes ruin your movie-going experience. Unduly low expectations, on the other hand, generally yield nothing but benefits, and so I'd like to thank film-critic consensus for making me so fearful of Nick Cassavetes' The Other Woman. This revenge comedy may be indefensibly weak, but the unbridled and unwarranted zeal with which so many people are attacking it - The Dispatch/Rock Island Argus used Richard Roeper's description "excruciatingly awful" as the review's headline - makes me feel that some defense might be necessary.

23 Feb 2014

Are You Not Entertained?!: "Pompeii," "3 Days to Kill," and "Winter's Tale"

By Mike Schulz

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje and Kit Harington in PompeiiPOMPEII

About a half-hour into Paul W.S. Anderson's Pompeii, the film's protagonist - a gladiator-turned-slave amusingly named Milo - hears the unfamiliar sound of the nearby Mount Vesuvius preparing to erupt. "It is the mountain," says Milo's comrade Atticus. "It grumbles from time to time." So do movie reviewers, and this latest 3D action spectacle by the director of Mortal Kombat, Death Race, and a trio of Resident Evil flicks would, at first glance, appear to be exactly the sort of thing I'd personally grumble about: a predictably corny, derivative, overscaled costume party with loads of generic violence and nothing in the way of subtlety or emotional nuance.

Yet while it's easy to name the movie's most direct influences, Gladiator and Titanic chief among them, what I didn't at all expect was for this swords-and-sandals outing to be so thoroughly, cheerfully indebted to 1970s disaster epics in the vein of The Towering Inferno and The Poseidon Adventure; Pompeii, to its cheeky credit, is kind of like 1974's Earthquake with the ancient Roman city cast in the role of Los Angeles.

01 Sep 2013

Labored Day Weekend: "Closed Circuit," "Instructions Not Included," "The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones," "One Direction: This Is Us," and "Getaway"

By Mike Schulz

Eric Bana and Ciaran Hinds in Closed CircuitIt's a commonly held belief, mostly because it's generally true, that no worthwhile movies open on either the last weekend of August or Labor Day weekend. So I hope I wasn't alone, among reviewers, in feeling trepidation about my most recent cineplex duties, given that this year, in a calendar rarity, those weekends were one and the same. (Would the films be twice as bad as usual? Would there be twice as many bad films to contend with?) But I'm pleased, and somewhat shocked, to report that my latest movie-going experiences weren't relentlessly grim. They were just relentlessly weird, especially considering I had the best time at the weekend's worst picture, and the lineup's most professionally rendered offering made me fall dead asleep.

18 Dec 2011

Choose to Accept It: "Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol," "Young Adult," and "Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows"

By Mike Schulz

Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible - Ghost ProtocolMISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - GHOST PROTOCOL

A European nutjob wants to start nuclear apocalypse, and Ethan Hunt and his team want to stop him. That's my condensation of Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol's needlessly complex plot in fewer than 20 words. Here's a condensation of my feelings toward this third sequel in fewer than five: The movie kicks ass.

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