05 Jun 2015

WTF: "Spy," "Insidious: Chapter 3," and "Entourage"

By Mike Schulz

SPY

Writer/director Paul Feig's Spy opens with an incredibly funny gross joke involving a sneeze, closes with an incredibly funny reveal involving a one-night stand, and somehow manages to stay incredibly funny - in addition to smart and clever and sweet - for most of the two hours in between. It's an action spoof about a gifted yet timidly self-conscious CIA desk jockey (Melissa McCarthy) who finally gets to release her inner Jane Bond, but the numerous vehicular chases and shoot-outs and danglings from helicopters are practically beside the point. Here, the comedy is the action.

10 May 2015

Feminine Protection: "Hot Pursuit" and "Clouds of Sils Maria"

By Mike Schulz

HOT PURSUIT

All movies provide at least one reason to feel grateful, because even the worst movies eventually, mercifully end. Director Anne Fletcher's action comedy Hot Pursuit provides exactly one reason to feel grateful.

20 Apr 2015

From 'Puter to Putrid - A Birthday Letter: "Unfriended," "Monkey Kingdom," "True Story," "While We're Young," and "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2"

By Mike Schulz

Shelley Hennig in Unfriended Dear Dad,

It was wonderful seeing you again this past weekend at your 75th-birthday party! I had a great time in Chicagoland with you and the family and the extended family ... although I do apologize for whipping your ass at pinochle on Saturday. Hey, I learned from the master.

But it dawned on me that while you expressed surprise at my ability to also sneak in five weekend movies despite the birthday happenings and my hours spent on the highway, I never went into detail on what I saw. So let's get you caught up. (You're likely not gonna recognize many of the names and movies I reference. If you're uncertain about any of 'em, ask Mom. She'll know.)

28 Mar 2015

Lay It Forward: "It Follows," "Get Hard," and "Home"

By Mike Schulz

IT FOLLOWS

Any horror fan who came of age with Halloween, Friday the 13th, and their many sequels knows the ironclad rule regarding imperiled teens: If they have sex, they're gonna die. So maybe you'll have to be of a certain generation - or have an affinity for a certain breed of shocker - to get the most from It Follows, writer/director David Robert Mitchell's intensely witty, pretty damned scary tale of a young woman diagnosed with a literally murderous, and ambulatory, STD.

08 Mar 2015

RoboCrip: "Chappie," "The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel," and "Unfinished Business"

By Sen. Charles Grassley

CHAPPIE

The sci-fi-action-comedy-thriller Chappie is the tale of an insentient creature who gains a soul and learns to love, just like Pinocchio and WALL•E and Short Circuit's Number 5. But this is a film by Neill Blomkamp, the writer/director of the violence- and profanity-laden District 9 and Elysium, so don't expect Disney-style warmth or Guttenberg-ian sweetness from this similarly R-rated outing. Instead, prepare to be amazed - though "stupefied" is the more appropriate term - by just how mawkish a movie can be despite boasting a title character who proves expert at carjacking, and whose most frequent malapropism involves his spirited twist on a 12-letter cuss word.

01 Mar 2015

Now You See It, Now You Want to See It Again: "Focus," "The Lazarus Effect," and "Deepsea Challenge 3D"

By Mike Schulz

FOCUS

With Will Smith playing its polished and professional master of larceny, and Margot Robbie playing the fledgling grifter who becomes Smith's mentee and lover, Focus is so contrived, so ridiculous, and so phenomenally entertaining that while watching it, you'd almost think a new genre was being invented right before your eyes.

23 Feb 2015

Running, DUFFing, Tubbing: "McFarland USA," "The DUFF," and "Hot Tub Time Machine 2"

By Mike Schulz

MCFARLAND USA

God, I hate Disney. Not all the time, of course, and in any case, "hate" is probably a strong word. But why does the studio have to keep releasing live-action movies that are inseparable from cartoons, with all of the potentially legitimate conflict inevitably dulled down and scrubbed squeaky-clean? And why does its succession of inspirational sports dramas never feature any actual coaching beyond bland and clichéd motivational speeches? And why do these damned things keep making me weep like a baby?

24 Jan 2015

In Too Depp: "Mortdecai," "The Boy Next Door," and "Strange Magic"

By Mike Schulz

MORTDECAI

Mortdecai, a Clouseau-esque slapstick about a bumbling art dealer and a missing Goya, isn't so much a movie as it is a test, and one with a single question: Just how much Johnny Depp can you still stomach? For me, the answer turned out to be "more than I expected," because while director David Koepp's comedy is crummy in many ways, it did crack me up a good dozen times, and every time because its generally overexposed star did or said something that caught me completely, joyously off-guard.

17 Jan 2015

Tickler, Failure, Soldiers, Spies - Notes on a Quadruple Feature: "Blackhat," "Paddington," "The Wedding Ringer," and "American Sniper"

By Mike Schulz

Friday, January 16, 10:05 a.m.-ish: My first and final quadruple feature of 2015 (yeah, right) begins with the Michael Mann thriller Blackhat, which opens with the camera racing within a computer module and deeper and deeper into the internal workings of binary code, like a burrowing reverse of Robert Zemeckis' introductory shot in Contact. At its climax, we discover that we've been watching the process by which a faraway cyber-terrorist sets off an explosion at a Chinese nuclear facility, and it's a juicy, unsettling prelude - so good, and so promising, that it probably takes longer than it should to realize the movie is goofy as hell.

11 Jan 2015

For King and Country: "Selma," "Inherent Vice," and "Taken 3"

By Mike Schulz

SELMA

Movie violence is so prevalent - be it in horror films or action franchises (see Taken 3, if you must) or the PG-13 pummelings of every Marvel entertainment ever - that it's shocking to see one whose brutal acts have the power to make you cry. But within the first minutes of the extraordinary Selma, director Ava DuVernay stages a literal explosion of historical violence so frightening, repellent, and emotionally overwhelming that, in the awestruck moments of silence that followed, it was absolutely no surprise to hear viewers sniffling.

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CIA / ESP / WTF: "Spy," "Insidious: Chapter 3," and "Entourage"

Feminine Protection: "Hot Pursuit" and "Clouds of Sils Maria"

From 'Puter to Putrid - A Birthday Letter: "Unfriended," "Monkey Kingdom," "True Story," "While We're Young," and "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2"

Lay It Forward: "It Follows," "Get Hard," and "Home"

RoboCrip: "Chappie," "The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel," and "Unfinished Business"

Now You See It, Now You Want to See It Again: "Focus," "The Lazarus Effect," and "Deepsea Challenge 3D"

Running, DUFFing, Tubbing: "McFarland USA," "The DUFF," and "Hot Tub Time Machine 2"

In Too Depp: "Mortdecai," "The Boy Next Door," and "Strange Magic"

Tickler, Failure, Soldiers, Spies - Notes on a Quadruple Feature: "Blackhat," "Paddington," "The Wedding Ringer," and "American Sniper"

For King and Country: "Selma," "Inherent Vice," and "Taken 3"

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