A bridegroom - petulant, abused, and unwilling to utter the five words that would please his family most: "I adore hash brown potatoes."

His father - abrasive, tyrannical, and ready to walk out on his family ... though he will be back for mealtimes.

His mother - overbearing, hypochondriacal, and vociferously proud of her questionable child-rearing tactics. ("I gave you your first spanking!")

And the bride-to-be - nearly mute, and the possessor of feet like Shrek's and two noses ... which would be fine if her intended didn't prefer a fiancée with three noses.

Sydney Crumbleholme, a freshman at Moline High School, plays the title character in the Playcrafters Barn Theatre's current Anne of Green Gables, and I doubt there has been a better, more inspiring piece of casting on area stages in all of 2008.

MADAGASCAR: ESCAPE 2 AFRICA

Dreamworks' animated hit Madagascar concerned a group of Central Park Zoo denizens who, en route to Africa, find themselves stranded on the island of the film's title, and ended with the citified animals forcibly, though not unhappily, taking residence in their newfound environs. Not having seen Madagascar since its 2005 release, I'll admit that I had to look up this last bit of information before catching Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa. And if and when there's a Madagascar 3, I'll no doubt have to look up the details on its predecessor, because a mere two days after attending this sequel, I've already forgotten nearly everything about it.

CHANGELING

Clint Eastwood's Changeling finds John Malkovich giving a thoughtful, restrained performance as a righteous pastor, and Michael Kelly giving an exceptional one as a dogged detective. Oh, and the period design for the film's 1928 Los Angeles setting is quite good. Having gotten that out of the way, the rest of the movie is so awful - so maddeningly phony and contrived - that I wanted to hurl things at the screen.