You're listening to WIMP radio, 9.11 on your dial, the All Threat All the Time station where our programming format aims to keep everyone in a perpetual state of fear. So stay in bed and pull the covers up over your heads.

Here are the most important Threat Levels for today:

While some people don't believe in evolution at any speed, other people, such as the scientific types at the National Academy of Sciences, claim that human evolution is speeding up.

It's been almost 10 years since the House of Representatives voted to impeach Bill Clinton for lying under oath when asked during a deposition in the Paula Jones case whether he had had sexual relations with a White House intern.

In what must be one of the few fun-filled functions in the otherwise beastly boring lives of bureaucrats, undercover operatives try to sneak weaponry through airport checkpoints to test how good Transportation Security Administration screeners are at finding guns, bombs, and knives.

There has been vigorous debate about whether the U.S. Senate should ratify the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea (UNCLOS, also known as the Law of the Sea Treaty, or LOST by its critics). The treaty has a wide-range of supporters in the United States. These reportedly include elements within the Pentagon who believe that UNCLOS would prevent foreign states from adopting arbitrary policies that interrupt normal naval operations. A primary objection of opponents is that UNCLOS would establish a dangerous precedent by authorizing the U.N.'s International Seabed Authority to collect taxes.

Ed was just minding his own business. According to an article in the News & Advance of Lynchburg, Virginia, Ed wasn't harming anyone, or threatening to harm anyone, or defrauding anyone.

But that didn't stop the state of Virginia from charging Ed with misdemeanors and felonies and booking him into the crowbar motel sans bail.

At first glance, the Violent Radicalization & Homegrown Terrorism Prevention Act of 2007 may not seem dangerous. Yet things are rarely what they seem, and this bill is no exception.

A SPECIAL NOTE TO THE CLASS OF 2047

Welcome to the Federalized Educational & Socialization Indoctrination System of the Great American Imperium. The Senior Lifetime Bureaucrats in charge of programming your minds to ensure your Obedience and Usefulness to the State have officially prepared this History Textbook "for the children."

Last summer at their annual policy meeting, the American Medical Association considered having "excessive video gaming" formally certified as a psychiatric disorder and listing it in the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the bible of mental diseases to which psychiatrists are addicted.

Gold opened 2008 with a bang. The price of the yellow metal soared to all-time nominal highs, surpassing $900 per ounce. "So what?" you may ask. "Unless one works for a mining company or a jeweler, gold is a trivial or nonexistent factor in one's life." True. But do you use dollars for your money? If so, then you ought to be concerned about the rising price of gold.

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