The folks at the U.S. Bureau of Citizenship & Immigration Services have devised a new citizenship test for those few illegal immigrants who, for some unknown reason, are actually trying to become lawful citizens. The new questions, the bureau claims, are calculated to better measure how well newbies understand what it means to be an American rather than how well they can memorize answers.
Which means that citizen wannabes will simply memorize the new politically correct answers to the new questions and will still not know what it really means to be an American.
Of course, most libertarians are convinced that most natural-born citizens don't know what it really means to be an American, either.
As a service to all, here are some actual test questions followed not by the politically correct answers but by the actual realpolitik answers that have been certified as being true based on real-life experience.
Q: What is the supreme law of the land?
A: Form 1040.
B. The political-industrial land-stealing eminent-domain juggernaut.
C. Any SWATgoon in America who thinks you voluntarily ingested something into your own body that Federal Nannycrats say you can't.
Q: What is one right or freedom from the First Amendment?
A: Freedom of assembly and of the right to petition government, including the right to get clubbed, tear-gassed, and tasered whenever you assemble and verbally petition your government to stop yet another president's pet war.
B: Freedom of the press, which is the right of reporters to parrot official government spin and publish it in the mainstream media as "news."
C: Freedom of speech except for commercial speech, hate speech, obscene speech, politically incorrect speech, school speech, speech outside the narrowly drawn politically dictated and police-force-enforced "free speech zone" during a public demonstration, political speech 60 days before a federal election, and anything ever said anywhere any time by anyone that the administration in power wants to suppress by slapping a phony "National Security" label on it.
Q: What are two rights only for U.S. citizens?
A: Serve on a jury of your uneducated hand-picked sheep-like peers who always believe prosecutors, will do exactly as the judge dictates, have no inkling of the concept of jury nullification, and are too stupid to get out of it.
B: Dutifully vote for the same old slate of thieving powercratic Republicans and Democrats instead of Libertarians and other third parties because the whole system has been rigged against third-party candidates by the same old slate of thieving powercratic Republicans and Democrats.
Q: What was the main concern of the United States during the Cold War?
A: Communists might conquer the world before the American Empire could do it.
B: Keeping tax money pouring into the pockets of major defense contractors who dutifully kicked back a cut to the same old slate of thieving powercratic Republicans and Democrats.
C. Keeping citizens utterly terrified of nuclear holocaust so they would shut up, keep paying their taxes, and keep electing the same old slate of thieving powercratic Republicans and Democrats.
Q: What are two ways that Americans can participate in their democracy?
A: Whine and sue everybody in sight when they don't get your own way.
B: Rub their hands in glee whenever they are on the side of the 51 percent that has found yet another way to live at the expense of the other 49 percent.
Q: What stops one branch of government from becoming too powerful?
A: The greed of the other two branches.
B. The power lust of the other two branches.
C. Libertarians working against the same old slate of thieving powercratic Republicans and Democrats in an effort to regain actual, no-kidding, not-lip-service freedom.
Q: Name one branch or part of the government.
A. Office of the Emperor of the World.
More of Garry Reed's writing can be found at (http://www.freecannon.com).
