(CLICK) " ... what I'm asking, Professor Fleezner, is how people can watch this horrific news all day long and not get depressed?" "Oooh, good question. Well, to start with, they should definitely buy my book, because on page 13 there's a little self-affirming song they can sing to themselves."

"Is it easy to learn?"

"Very. By the way, can I get a tape of this?"


" ... now, let's take a look at our viewer poll for this hour. Question: 'Are you, like, absolutely freaking out - or just real nervous?' And don't forget to log on our web site to see your vote count ... "


" ... I know what you mean, Lowell. So many people hate their wallpaper, but they don't think they can do anything about it."

"But they can, can't they?"

"You bet. Here, I've taken some ordinary poster paint and a turkey baster ... "


" ... so stay tuned to CNN for the latest, breaking news. Tonight, Larry King explains 'Why They Hate Us.' Then, Greta van Susteren on 'Why They're Mad at Us.' Later, Jeff Greenfield looks into 'Why They Just Can't Stand Us.' Finally, Wolf Blitzer's exclusive interview with the only retired general who hasn't been on TV yet, who will explain how airplanes actually fly."


"Mr. Simpson, do you know what road rage is?"


"And you admit that after the motorist cut you off in traffic, you grabbed his glasses and started screaming at him?"


"But you didn't actually stab him or anything?"


"Are you sure?"




" ... and although they've shut down the entire House of Representatives, I can assure you that the Senate is still in session."

"We hear they're going to impeach Bill Clinton again."

"No comment. Anyway, we need to get a quorum first."


" ... so that's when my agent called me and said, 'Mr. West, they want you to do a project called Batman, but you have to wear tights.'"

"Whoa! What did you say?"

"Well, actually, there's a funny story about that ... "


" ... and now, we have more details on that suspicious package with the white powder that was found in the mailroom."

"I understand it's good news."

"Yes. It turned out to be cocaine."

"That's a relief! Okay, let's take a break, and we'll come back with Al Haig."

Copyright 2001 Newrite, Inc. All rights reserved. GLW's on WGN Radio AM 720 and (http://www.wgnradio.com).

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