12
Nov
2002
One is led to the inescapable conclusion that the city mothers and fathers in our Quad Cities are not terribly swift. Driven to search the downtown area for horse-cars, drays, and shays, one is left in profound astonishment that our cities have actually chosen to forgo such a reliable, trusted, and old mode of public transport.
After all, if our streets and sewers and other public works are from the 19th Century, it is well-nigh incomprehensible to the educated mind that we have given up on such a marvelous mode of transportation as the common plow horse. It is the firmly held tradition of our city councils that if it was good enough for the founding mothers and fathers, it is good enough for us. Why, you can knock the front-end alignment of your 2003 computer-enhanced, Arab-oil-driven chariot into next week on the very same chuckhole that your great-grandfather Joe broke the front axle of his buggy on in 1910. Isn't it wonderful to know that some things are forever?
So although you might find it hard to believe, it is impossible to find a horse-drawn trolley, even on Fourth Street. In its place is one dismaying change. You might not have noticed that we still have a system of public transportation - because it never goes where you want to go anywhere near the time you want to go there - but an astonishing observation was made on Locust Street: some kind of new-fangled contraption that belched black smoke and made the bad traffic situation worse, with "Citibus" on the side. When asked what it was, no passerby could identify it, all saying they had never been on one. Even in this age of nuclear weapons and color television, some changes are too much.
We must together demand less confusing public policies from our esteemed leaders and leaderettes. Our streets are of 100-year-old brick. Nothing but horseshoes should touch such venerable streets. Our sewer system on Howell Street was built during Ronald Reagan's boyhood. How can we so defile the preservation that we have put into that sewer system as to allow a monstrous smoke-belching "Citibus" to cross over Howell Street? One is driven to ask, "Where indeed is our sense of history, of historic preservation?"
Preservation of our heritage, our sewers, our streets, our garbage-collection system, our traffic-light system from the 1930s, our century-old collapsing buildings, and our buggy-whip factory: These should be the goals of our leadership. One is hard-put to understand the waste of money being considered for new buildings in our community. If you use great-grandfather Joe's sewer, you should live in his house.
Therefore, a modest proposal for public consideration: Horses, horses, and more horses should be purchased with public monies and given at a small annual rent to the citizenry of our community. Fish or cut bait, that is the issue. Whether 'tis nobler to accept the new, or, rejecting it, to return completely to the tried-and-true precepts and public works of our founders. Grandfather's sewer and street are good enough for you, and so is his horse.
In addition, consideration should be given to promptly carrying out the suggestions of recent weeks regarding industry on our historic riverfront. River Gulf Oats & Corn and Builders Sand & Gravel are indeed too novel and modern to be included in our vision of the past. Bring in the work crews with pick and shovel. Restore the riverfront to its pristine condition. Of course, one must not neglect perhaps the greatest eyesore in the downtown area, the Government Bridge and the lock-and-dam complex. Our modest proposal must include their removal. There must not even be a contemplation of a 10-year delay. The gateway to our community must be restored to its original condition.
Think of the number of tourists from the new-fangled areas of our nation who will come to shoot the rapids on the Mississippi. If we should decide that we do need some sort of dam on the river, we could import a pair of breeding beavers and give them a few years. We drowned our great rapids on the Mississippi with the construction of the lock-and-dam complex. The railroad bridge can stay, since it was here during the presidency of Abraham Lincoln, but the Government Bridge has to go. We don't need the bridge anyway, since our horses can easily swim the river most of the year.
At the end of modest proposal, we will indeed have the riverfront and lifestyle of our revered ancestors. This is an admirable goal, to be accomplished without delay. The cursed motor car must disappear, the electric light must be turned off, the whale-oil lamp must be re-lit. Your grandparents must live, not just in your memory, but in your daily life. The proposal may be modest, but the benefits would be enormous. Think of the millions of Americans who would come to the rapids on the Mississippi to gape and admire our quaint way of living.
After all, if our streets and sewers and other public works are from the 19th Century, it is well-nigh incomprehensible to the educated mind that we have given up on such a marvelous mode of transportation as the common plow horse. It is the firmly held tradition of our city councils that if it was good enough for the founding mothers and fathers, it is good enough for us. Why, you can knock the front-end alignment of your 2003 computer-enhanced, Arab-oil-driven chariot into next week on the very same chuckhole that your great-grandfather Joe broke the front axle of his buggy on in 1910. Isn't it wonderful to know that some things are forever?
So although you might find it hard to believe, it is impossible to find a horse-drawn trolley, even on Fourth Street. In its place is one dismaying change. You might not have noticed that we still have a system of public transportation - because it never goes where you want to go anywhere near the time you want to go there - but an astonishing observation was made on Locust Street: some kind of new-fangled contraption that belched black smoke and made the bad traffic situation worse, with "Citibus" on the side. When asked what it was, no passerby could identify it, all saying they had never been on one. Even in this age of nuclear weapons and color television, some changes are too much.
We must together demand less confusing public policies from our esteemed leaders and leaderettes. Our streets are of 100-year-old brick. Nothing but horseshoes should touch such venerable streets. Our sewer system on Howell Street was built during Ronald Reagan's boyhood. How can we so defile the preservation that we have put into that sewer system as to allow a monstrous smoke-belching "Citibus" to cross over Howell Street? One is driven to ask, "Where indeed is our sense of history, of historic preservation?"
Preservation of our heritage, our sewers, our streets, our garbage-collection system, our traffic-light system from the 1930s, our century-old collapsing buildings, and our buggy-whip factory: These should be the goals of our leadership. One is hard-put to understand the waste of money being considered for new buildings in our community. If you use great-grandfather Joe's sewer, you should live in his house.
Therefore, a modest proposal for public consideration: Horses, horses, and more horses should be purchased with public monies and given at a small annual rent to the citizenry of our community. Fish or cut bait, that is the issue. Whether 'tis nobler to accept the new, or, rejecting it, to return completely to the tried-and-true precepts and public works of our founders. Grandfather's sewer and street are good enough for you, and so is his horse.
In addition, consideration should be given to promptly carrying out the suggestions of recent weeks regarding industry on our historic riverfront. River Gulf Oats & Corn and Builders Sand & Gravel are indeed too novel and modern to be included in our vision of the past. Bring in the work crews with pick and shovel. Restore the riverfront to its pristine condition. Of course, one must not neglect perhaps the greatest eyesore in the downtown area, the Government Bridge and the lock-and-dam complex. Our modest proposal must include their removal. There must not even be a contemplation of a 10-year delay. The gateway to our community must be restored to its original condition.
Think of the number of tourists from the new-fangled areas of our nation who will come to shoot the rapids on the Mississippi. If we should decide that we do need some sort of dam on the river, we could import a pair of breeding beavers and give them a few years. We drowned our great rapids on the Mississippi with the construction of the lock-and-dam complex. The railroad bridge can stay, since it was here during the presidency of Abraham Lincoln, but the Government Bridge has to go. We don't need the bridge anyway, since our horses can easily swim the river most of the year.
At the end of modest proposal, we will indeed have the riverfront and lifestyle of our revered ancestors. This is an admirable goal, to be accomplished without delay. The cursed motor car must disappear, the electric light must be turned off, the whale-oil lamp must be re-lit. Your grandparents must live, not just in your memory, but in your daily life. The proposal may be modest, but the benefits would be enormous. Think of the millions of Americans who would come to the rapids on the Mississippi to gape and admire our quaint way of living.
