Mother's Day will prove difficult for my family this year due to the loss of my sister Gretchen in March. Reflecting on my parents' terrible ordeal, I have tended to focus on my father, whose relationship with my sister was an extraordinary one; therefore his loss has seemed paramount. In truth, my stepmother Jeanne's grief is also profound and sad beyond measure.

Her spiritual strength is her life support right now. She has always been grounded in truth and a certainty that God has her and our family in his knowing and loving grasp. Jeanne is blessed with a solid faith that allows for understanding beyond words. I have watched her for more than 32 years grow and flourish in her spiritual connections. And now that spirituality sustains her in this dreadful time.

My mother passed in 1991. I miss her terribly, more so the older I get. Even though my parents divorced when I was 14, Dad and Mom never stopped caring for each other. Remarkably, throughout her own marriage to my Dad, Jeanne understood their relationship and welcomed my mother. We all spent holidays together in the last years of my mother's life, and it was a tremendous testimony to the love, endurance, and compassion possible in a family.

My mother and Jeanne couldn't be more different relative to personality, appearance, and constitution. But to my father's credit, he managed to marry two women with enormous strength of character, loyalty, compassion, and genuine warmth. Both personified faithful loving mothers, sacrificing much of themselves for their children's well-being.

Jeanne was unconditionally supportive of my father's and Gretchen's special relationship, and has been an unfailing advocate of all her children's dreams and aspirations. As her stepchildren, we have been luckier than most because Jeanne was able to unify our two families into one from the very beginning, making us feel welcome and at home in every sense of the word. The separation that occurs in so many second marriages simply didn't exist for us. Jeanne's determination helped secure and maintain our close family.

I remember when Dad married Jeanne. I was delighted that he had the good fortune and taste to choose her. My father is a handsome, charming, fun, highly intelligent, and successful man, considered to be an eligible and desirable bachelor by no small number of single women at the time he was courting Jeanne. She clearly rose to the top for many reasons, but mostly because of her genuine goodness and her enormous capacity for love.

Since then, she and dad have raised three daughters from scratch, and helped finish the job with the three older children (two most attractive and spirited girls and a rather spoiled but darling boy). Jeanne's sincerity and forthrightness won our hearts instantly, and easy acceptance went both ways.

Jeanne has a sense of adventure, an openness accompanied by open-mindedness, a youthful, fun personality, and a kind and giving spirit. Add to that a sharp, perceptive mind, with emotional waters that run deeper than most, and the result is an exceptional mother and very special stepmother, who doesn't hear often enough how wonderful and valued she is, or how our family would be lost without her.

My sister Gretchen was a marvelous blend of all that is great and gracious about both Dad and Jeanne. Dad's humor, generosity, caring, and unconditional acceptance, coupled with Jeanne's honesty, tolerance, compassion, and joviality were reflected in Gretchen's vibrant and loving nature. It is amazing how much I see Gretchen in both of them, now.

Mother's Day will likely be extremely difficult for Jeanne, but hopefully she will understand beyond words that she is dearly loved by her family, which, for better or worse, includes a few fruit-loops (who will remain nameless), and a certain relative in Iowa that no one talks about.

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