08
Jan
2002
"All right, let's get the meeting started. As you know, the government is ready to bring this Zacarias Moussaoui fellow to trial, and it's up to all of us in the media to make sure the American people get ratings. I mean, justice."
"Which one is Moussaoui? Is that the father who went berserk at a hockey game or the guy who's been cloning pigs?"
"Don't you listen to your own news, Roger? It's that alleged conspirator in the 9/11 attacks."
"Sorry. I've had my hands full keeping track of all these bowl games."
"Well, as head of Court TV, I think we're the logical network to handle this. That's why we've filed a motion asking for cameras in the courtroom."
"Forget it, Henry. This thing's too big to waste on a dinky cable channel. This isn't some woman who whacked her husband by tossing a toaster into the bathtub."
"I resent that! We're the most respected source for lurid courtroom drama in America."
"No sale. We need this trial in network prime time. Now, what are you folks at NBC prepared to offer?"
"You name it. We can do a multi-parter on Law & Order, or put the whole thing on Weakest Link and let Anne Robinson make mincemeat out of him. I can hear her now: 'Moussaoui? Is that your name or some kind of side dish?' As you know, the woman is a world-class wit."
"Hold on. If you're talking game shows, why not Jeopardy! ? No one's fairer than Alex Trebek."
"Wrong format. The prosecutor would have to say, 'Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the answer is a group of psychopaths who flew a plane into the World Trade Center. And please answer in the form of a question.' Too confusing."
"So how about you guys at CBS?"
"Pass. We've got our hands full with the Olympics, not to mention JAG. We would like to bid on the execution, though."
"Wait a minute, gentlemen! CNN is the only place to hold this trial. And we're prepared to do whatever it takes to give this historic news event the dignity it deserves. We'll even fire Andrea Thompson and get someone who can read without giggling."
"Well, wherever we do it, we need to get a talent coordinator working with this Moussaoui guy. Did you hear his opening statement? 'In the name of Allah, I have nothing to plead.' Two days of that, and people will want reruns of Mama's Family."
"Hold on, you guys. You're all forgetting that federal judges have never allowed cameras in the courtroom. That's why we're always stuck with those paint-by-numbers sketches from the art department."
"So this time we offer them a deal! Give them points on the worldwide syndication rights, and promise that if the camera happens to catch one of them snoozing on the bench, we'll go right to a commercial."
"Better yet, why can't we get a seasoned, well-respected jurist right off the bat? Someone that Americans already know and trust."
"Judge Judy?"
"Exactly. And let Joe Wapner handle the appeal."
"Okay. Let's green-light a pilot, and see what we've got. And I don't need to remind you that the whole Constitution is riding on this. The American people expect dignified, fair, and speedy trials, and there's no reason they can't get one on television."
"Darn right. Just look at O.J."
Copyright 2002 Newrite, Inc. All rights reserved. GLW's on WGN Radio AM 720 and (http://www.wgnradio.com).
"Which one is Moussaoui? Is that the father who went berserk at a hockey game or the guy who's been cloning pigs?"
"Don't you listen to your own news, Roger? It's that alleged conspirator in the 9/11 attacks."
"Sorry. I've had my hands full keeping track of all these bowl games."
"Well, as head of Court TV, I think we're the logical network to handle this. That's why we've filed a motion asking for cameras in the courtroom."
"Forget it, Henry. This thing's too big to waste on a dinky cable channel. This isn't some woman who whacked her husband by tossing a toaster into the bathtub."
"I resent that! We're the most respected source for lurid courtroom drama in America."
"No sale. We need this trial in network prime time. Now, what are you folks at NBC prepared to offer?"
"You name it. We can do a multi-parter on Law & Order, or put the whole thing on Weakest Link and let Anne Robinson make mincemeat out of him. I can hear her now: 'Moussaoui? Is that your name or some kind of side dish?' As you know, the woman is a world-class wit."
"Hold on. If you're talking game shows, why not Jeopardy! ? No one's fairer than Alex Trebek."
"Wrong format. The prosecutor would have to say, 'Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the answer is a group of psychopaths who flew a plane into the World Trade Center. And please answer in the form of a question.' Too confusing."
"So how about you guys at CBS?"
"Pass. We've got our hands full with the Olympics, not to mention JAG. We would like to bid on the execution, though."
"Wait a minute, gentlemen! CNN is the only place to hold this trial. And we're prepared to do whatever it takes to give this historic news event the dignity it deserves. We'll even fire Andrea Thompson and get someone who can read without giggling."
"Well, wherever we do it, we need to get a talent coordinator working with this Moussaoui guy. Did you hear his opening statement? 'In the name of Allah, I have nothing to plead.' Two days of that, and people will want reruns of Mama's Family."
"Hold on, you guys. You're all forgetting that federal judges have never allowed cameras in the courtroom. That's why we're always stuck with those paint-by-numbers sketches from the art department."
"So this time we offer them a deal! Give them points on the worldwide syndication rights, and promise that if the camera happens to catch one of them snoozing on the bench, we'll go right to a commercial."
"Better yet, why can't we get a seasoned, well-respected jurist right off the bat? Someone that Americans already know and trust."
"Judge Judy?"
"Exactly. And let Joe Wapner handle the appeal."
"Okay. Let's green-light a pilot, and see what we've got. And I don't need to remind you that the whole Constitution is riding on this. The American people expect dignified, fair, and speedy trials, and there's no reason they can't get one on television."
"Darn right. Just look at O.J."
Copyright 2002 Newrite, Inc. All rights reserved. GLW's on WGN Radio AM 720 and (http://www.wgnradio.com).
