Best Eggs
1. Village Inn
2. IHOP
3. Ross' Restaurant
Best Place to Rent DVDs
1. Family Video
2. Blockbuster
3. Hollywood Video
Strongest Coffee
1. Starbucks
2. Panera Bread
3. Theo's Java Club
Best Brunch
1. Thunder Bay Grille
2. The Lodge
3. Granite City Food & Brewery
Best Greasy Food
1. Ross' Restaurant
2. McDonald's
3. Maid-Rite
Best Hair of the Dog
1. Kelly's Irish Pub & Eatery
1. Mac's Tavern
3. Bier Stube
Quietest Restaurant
1. Biaggi's Ristorante Italiano
2. The Faithful Pilot
3. Johnny's Italian Steakhouse
The pounding begins before my eyes open. Is it possible for a headache to start in a dream? As I slowly rise, I only half-ironically scan the room for that tool dentists use to suck moisture from mouths.
I know how this plays out every time. Why do I insist on perpetuating this cycle of abuse? No matter. Neither time nor energy is plentiful enough to continue this analysis. It's time for damage control. I chase four ibuprofen with a purple vitamin water, and drag myself out the door.
First stop, caffeine. It's the Obi-Wan Kenobi of surviving a hangover - it's my only hope. I don't even have to open my eyes. The pounding in my head guides me to Starbucks.
Grande depth charge. The Godfather of pick-me-ups. Coffee and espresso. Nothing else. Some people may choose to cut their dope with sugar, sweetener, cream, syrup, foam, or myriad other additives. Not me. I neither mixed my whiskey nor salted my tequila last night. Thus, diluted coffee stands no chance this morning. Add three ice cubes, pound it and move on.
Next stop - grub. While it's my spotty recollection of my behavior last evening that has left me with this hollow feeling, I turn to food to fill the void. But, what to eat?
Now, your amateurs will recommend a diet of dry toast and 7-Up. That's fine, if you're looking to simply appease the despot that has invaded your gut. Personally, I prefer the "shock and awe" strategy of hangover warfare - stun the beast with fat and calories and send him packing. Luckily, the Quad Cities have a number of outposts specializing in your choice of ammunition.
If eggs are your bag, trust the good people Village Inn to equip your insides with the fuel to face the day. Over easy, scrambled, skillet, or omelet - you'll be functioning again in no time.
Need some grease to get moving? Move toward Ross' Restaurant in Bettendorf. They'll add chili and cheese to your waffles if you ask nicely. Even the coffee is greasy - perfect to start the wheels moving to the next party.
Or, maybe you're the classy type. Slept in your sport jacket last night? Head over to Thunder Bay Grille in Davenport for the best brunch in town. The owner may be a conservative, but don't be fooled. The spread here is nothing short of liberal. It may hurt to think this morning, and you don't have to. This brunch has everything you could imagine ... if your imagination were up and running.
Okay, you're fueled up, but not ready to really get moving. A brief retreat to the couch is in order. But not without the proper distractions. You need about six hours of flicks from Family Video to wait out the sun's oppressive reign over your day. Don't rent anything too thought-provoking. We know, those Enron guys were some bad dudes, but you can catch their documentary later. Grab Superbad or catch up on a season of Entourage, and prepare to melt into your furniture.
Finally, you're awake, aware, and ready to start the day. But, it's 8 p.m. Ouch. Maybe you should just give up. Never.
Depending on your age and lifestyle, you'll do one of two things with "the evening after."
You might want to enjoy a good meal with a close friend in peace. In that case, iron your shirt and head to Biaggi's for Italian fare, quiet conversation, and a nice merlot.
Too tame? Care to once again test the gods? Fine, tough guy. Take a cab to Mac's Tavern or Kelly's Irish Pub for some hair o' the dog. Either spot will provide you the atmosphere, support, and elixirs you'll need to beat that hangover into submission once and for all.
Or, at least until tomorrow at first light, at which point you'll want to consult the opening paragraph. When will that pounding stop? About five minutes after your life becomes a lot less exciting.
- Matt Meenan
