08 Sep 2014

The King, and More Royal Subjects: "The Identical," "Locke," "Only Lovers Left Alive," "The Normal Heart," and "The Spoils of Babylon"

By Mike Schulz

Blake Rayne, Ashley Judd, and Ray Liotta in The IdenticalDirector Dustin Marcellino's The Identical is for anyone who ever wanted to see a fictionalized account of the birth of the Elvis-impersonator movement. Or anyone who'd enjoy Presley's songs more if their melodies weren't so complex and their lyrics weren't so depraved. Or anyone who's been yearning to see Ray Liotta play a devout evangelist who explains to his congregation why he just lit eight candles on a menorah, when, as we can see, he clearly lit nine.

26 Jul 2014

And a Little Cub Will Lead Them - Notes on Yet Another Quadruple Feature: "Pandas: The Journey Home," "Hercules," "And So It Goes," and "Lucy"

By Mike Schulz

Pandas: The Journey HomeFriday, July 25, 12:30 p.m.-ish: I take my seat for the latest big-screen edu-tainment at the Putnam Museum, and can't imagine a better way to begin my third quadruple feature of the month. For one thing, the movie I'm at is only 40 minutes long, which will shorten my work day considerably. For another, the movie is all about pandas. Pandas! Who doesn't love pandas? I figure that, at worst, the National Geographic presentation Pandas: The Journey Home will be adorable. So I'll admit to some more-than-mild surprise when, not 10 minutes into the film, we're treated to the (tasteful) sight of a female panda being artificially inseminated, right after witnessing the (tasteful) sight of a male panda mating with her. Hmmm, I think. Didn't see that in Disney's Bears.

09 Jan 2012

Smarter Denser Colder Meh: "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy" and "The Devil Inside"

By Mike Schulz

Benedict Cumberbatch and Gary Oldman in Tinker Tailor Soldier SpyTINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY

You know that handy, lame, relationship-ending sentiment "It's not you; it's me"? That's what I feel like saying to Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, the new adaptation of the famed John le Carré novel. I readily concede that director Tomas Alfredson's spy thriller is beautifully made, boasting engaged, cagey performances and a number of superbly shot set pieces. But for all of the film's merits, I found myself hugely relieved when its end credits rolled, because Alfredson's intensely complicated endeavor appeared so much smarter than I am that I took almost no pleasure from the experience. My issue isn't that the movie is a dog. It's that, for most of Tinker Tailor's 125 minutes, I felt like a dog watching a movie.

13 Nov 2011

Secrets and Lies: "J. Edgar," "Immortals," and "Jack & Jill"

By Mike Schulz

Armie Hammer and Leonardo DiCaprio in J. EdgarJ. EDGAR

Pretty much everything that's bothersome about director Clint Eastwood's biographical drama J. Edgar is only bothersome for the movie's first half hour. That may sound like a lot of time spent bothered. But the film does run 135 minutes, even its weakest moments are by no means awful, and in the end, it emerges as a really fine work with a really fine central performance. So as a nod to J. Edgar (the movie, not the man), let's just get it out of the way and address its failings at the start.

16 Aug 2005

Rob Schneider's Penis Envy: "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo," "The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill," and "The Skeleton Key"

By Mike Schulz

Rob Schneider and Eddie Griffin in Deuce Bigalow: European GigoloDEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO

Some comedies are so colossally, ridiculously unfunny that you're left with no choice but to stare at them in abject bewilderment. To the surprise of probably no one, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo is such a comedy. Yet the movie - and I hesitate to call it one - is actually far more intriguing than "colossally, ridiculously unfunny" would indicate.

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