05 Sep 2007

Dog Days: "The Nanny Diaries," "Resurrecting the Champ," "September Dawn," and "Mr. Bean's Holiday"

By Mike Schulz

Scarlett Johansson and Laura Linney in The Nanny DiariesTHE NANNY DIARIES

There are two wholly different films at war in Shari Springer Berman's and Robert Pulcini's The Nanny Diaries, and unfortunately, the wrong one wins.

13 Dec 2006

Mad Mel: "Apocalypto" and "The Holiday"

By Mike Schulz

Rudy Youngblood in ApocalyptoAPOCALYPTO

There was a lot that I hated about Mel Gibson's Mayan-language action epic Apocalypto.

I hated the obviousness of the opening 20 minutes, with the director crudely working overtime to make the Mayans "relatable." (Look! They played practical jokes! And teased their friends about their sex lives! And gave blow jobs! Just like us!) I hated the way Gibson was cranking up the audience's bloodlust via the sentimental idylls; our hero, Jaguar Paw (Rudy Youngblood), is given not only a sage, loving father and a devoted, nine-months-pregnant wife, but perhaps the cutest toddler on God's green earth.

06 Dec 2006

Manger Danger: "The Nativity Story," "Bobby," "Deck the Halls," and "Tenacious D and The Pick of Destiny"

By Mike Schulz

Keisha Castle-Hughes in The Nativity StoryTHE NATIVITY STORY

After more than an hour of noble attempts and unfortunate - though unembarrassing - failings, director Catherine Harwicke, in her biblical tale of The Nativity Story, finally lands upon the style she appears to have been aiming for all along. Mary (Keisha Castle-Hughes) has just given birth to Jesus, and as she lies in the manger alongside her husband, Joseph (Oscar Isaac), a blinding shaft of light descends from the heavens and lands directly on the holy family, creating a tableaux that is at once instantly familiar and freshly moving.

10 Oct 2006

Hit the Road, Jack: "The Departed" and "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning"

By Mike Schulz

Leonardo DiCaprio and Jack Nicholson in The DepartedTHE DEPARTED

Because Martin Scorsese's internal-affairs thriller The Departed is so colossally entertaining, so brimming with performance and filmmaking craft, I may as well get its major failing out of the way right off the bat: What the hell is Jack Nicholson doing here?

07 Dec 2004

"Christmas" Leaves This Critic Kranky: "Christmas with the Kranks," "Alexander," "National Treasure," and "The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie"

By Mike Schulz

Tim Allen and Erik Per Sullivan in Christmas with the KranksCHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS

Christmas with the Kranks is terrible. (Big surprise, huh?) What more needs to be said? As it turns out, a lot more.

18 May 2004

"Troy" Plays Like Greek Bedtime Story: Also, "Touching the Void"

By Mike Schulz

Brad Pitt in TroyTROY

About 100 minutes into Troy - director Wolfgang Petersen's and screenwriter David Benioff's very loose adaptation of Homer's The Iliad, which details the events leading up to and during The Trojan War - there's a battle sequence that gives the audience a true rush.

03 Mar 2004

"The Passion of the Christ"

By Mike Schulz

The Passion of the ChristTHE PASSION OF THE CHRIST

Leaving a screening of The Passion of the Christ, I felt pummeled, confused, and very, very angry, feelings I can't imagine director Mel Gibson wanting to inspire with his cinematic take on Jesus Christ's last 12 hours on earth.

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