14 May 2008

Running on Empty: "Speed Racer," "What Happens in Vegas...", and "Redbelt"

By Mike Schulz

Emile Hirsch and Christina Ricci in Speed RacerSPEED RACER

In future years, when I'm wondering exactly when it was that I turned into a very old man, I'm hoping I'll remember the date of May 9, 2008, when I fell asleep some 45 minutes into the onslaught of candy-colored incoherence called Speed Racer. And when, after returning to consciousness a minute or so later, I made it through another couple of scenes before falling asleep again.

14 Mar 2007

Graphic? Yes. Novel? No.: "300," "Amazing Grace," and "Black Snake Moan"

By Mike Schulz

Gerard Butler in 300300

Whatever its problems, and they are myriad, you can't say that Zack Snyder's 300 doesn't give you plenty to look at. Adapted from Frank Miller's and Lynn Varley's graphic novel, the film - which follow s the ancient Spartan army in a wildly violent, self-sacrificing battle against Persian forces - is filled with memorably outré images: an enormous tree and a 20-foot-high wall, both composed entirely of corpses; a triad of elephants, backed over a cliff, that plunge to their deaths; the sky blackening with what appear to be locusts, instead proving to be the incoming trajectory of thousands of steel-tipped arrows. In 300, Snyder shows a remarkable gift for graphic-novel composition, and continually keeps your eye engaged. Too bad the same can't be said of your brain.

07 Mar 2005

"Be Cool" a Maddening Waste of Time and Talent: Also, "The Jacket" and "Cursed"

By Mike Schulz

Uma Thurman and John Travolta in Be CoolBE COOL

Granted, I've missed a few of the year's more high-profile flicks - Are We There Yet?, White Noise, Son of the Mask, that thing with the Heffalumps - but, in general, the releases I have viewed have been so crummy as to be some kind of joke. (The Citizen Kane of the group would actually be the remake of Assault on Precinct 13, which should tell you everything you need to know about Hollywood's output in early 2005.) But, with the arrival of Be Cool, the joke is no longer funny. Be Cool is worse than Elektra. Hell, it's worse than Alone in the Dark. I literally can't remember the last time I left a screening feeling so angered by the waste of time and talent onscreen; it's the sort of smug, lazy Bad Movie that puts you in a foul mood for the rest of the day.

03 Feb 2004

Theron's Impending Oscar Win Deserved for "Monster": Also, "The Butterfly Effect" and "Torque"

By Robert Jackson Jr.

Christina Ricci and Charlize Theron in MonsterMONSTER

In all honesty, I was rather dreading Patty Jenkins' Monster, the much-lauded drama that has received nearly universal acclaim (and a Best Actress Golden Globe) for star Charlize Theron.

09 Jul 2002

"Men in Black II" a Cynical, Pointless Re-tread: Also, "The Devil's Backbone" and "The Laramie Project"

By Mike Schulz

Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones in Men in Black IIMEN IN BLACK II

I'm not sure how much there is to say about Men in Black II, director Barry Sonnenfeld's sequel to his sci-fi/comedy smash. There's always something to look at, Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones provide the occasional flash of dry wit, and it's all over blessedly fast - the movie runs some 85 minutes with end credits, and you wouldn't want it to last a minute longer.

23 Oct 2001

"From Hell" Is Heaven-Sent: Also, "Riding in Cars with Boys" and "The Last Castle"

By Mike Schulz

Johnny Depp in From HellFROM HELL

You can be forgiven for assuming that From Hell, Allen and Albert Hughes' re-telling of the Jack the Ripper saga (based on the immensely popular graphic novel), is a follow-up to Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow, what with its previews focusing on a shadowy murderer, lots of fog and mist, Johnny Depp's investigator speaking in a British accent (Cockney this time), and Heather Graham in the Christina Ricci role of the Corseted Love Interest.

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