Russell Crowe and Leonardo DiCaprio in Body of LiesBODY OF LIES

I learned recently that Russell Crowe gained 50 pounds for his role in Ridley Scott's action-thriller Body of Lies. To which I reply: For this role? Seriously?

John Cho, Kal Penn, and Rob Corddry in Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo BayHAROLD & KUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY

We've thus far managed to survive without sequels to Citizen Kane and Battleship Potemkin and Intolerance, so I'm not sure the world really needed a follow-up to Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, 2004's ne plus ultra of gross-out stoner comedies. Yet it's clear that we could've done a helluva lot worse than Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, a take-a-hit-and-miss effort in which, compared to its forebear, the highs are no higher, the lows are a tad lower, and the intentional stupidity is again tempered with bursts of shockingly subversive wit. As sequels go, it's no Godfather Part II, but it ain't Godfather Part III, either.

Uma Thurman and John Travolta in Be CoolBE COOL

Granted, I've missed a few of the year's more high-profile flicks - Are We There Yet?, White Noise, Son of the Mask, that thing with the Heffalumps - but, in general, the releases I have viewed have been so crummy as to be some kind of joke. (The Citizen Kane of the group would actually be the remake of Assault on Precinct 13, which should tell you everything you need to know about Hollywood's output in early 2005.) But, with the arrival of Be Cool, the joke is no longer funny. Be Cool is worse than Elektra. Hell, it's worse than Alone in the Dark. I literally can't remember the last time I left a screening feeling so angered by the waste of time and talent onscreen; it's the sort of smug, lazy Bad Movie that puts you in a foul mood for the rest of the day.

Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan in Freaky FridayFREAKY FRIDAY

Everyone I know has enormous fondness for the 1976 Disney comedy Freaky Friday, wherein mother Barbara Harris and daughter Jodie Foster switched bodies and discovered, on one very strange day, how the other half lived.

Harrison Ford in K-19: The WidowmakerK-19: THE WIDOWMAKER

Most movie trailers make the film in question look much better than it actually is; the previews for K-19: The Widowmaker don't give any indication how good it actually is.