By: Jaime Kulaga, Ph.D., LMHC

There's a lot of hype about March MADness, and if you're an NCAA fan (or married to one) you know it well.

But I'd rather think in terms of March Happiness; training mind and body, just as those basketball players train, to remain positive even when faced with stress, sadness and the cyclicality of life. You can create a habit of happiness.

During March Madness, 68 teams in the College Basketball Association compete the national championship. Sixty-eight teams, one month, 12,000 games - or that's what it feels like to me.

All those teams are vying for that one feel-good moment they've worked so hard to achieve. They've dedicated a large portion of their lives to training body and mind, and when the final two teams compete, one team, each team member, and thousands of fans experience fulfillment and happiness.

This March, compete against yourself. Train your mind and body to be healthier and happier than ever before. At this point in the game, you may feel the odds are against you. About 40 percent of people who set New Year's Resolutions have already quit trying. But this month, you are powering up, not gearing down.

You can do it. Here are my TOP 3 Tips for being happy in March and all year long:

Smile and Wave Goodbye to the Toxic People: Waving goodbye has never made you smile so big. In a world where everyone faces uncontrollable stressors and negativity every day (no matter how happy of a person you are), you must get rid of the things and people that are only going to bring you further down. Rid yourself of the toxic people in your life, the haters and the hurters. Take control of your happiness by not allowing others to steer your emotions up and down, or steal them altogether. If you can't completely rid yourself of the negative people, you can definitely set boundaries to minimize your interactions with them. Saying goodbye means saying hello to happiness.

Take Time to Decide: The best way to be unhappy is to go around making promises or commitments you can't live up to or, if you do live up to them, you despise every moment of it. You get one life, so make it a happy one. Don't over commit to someone else and then under commit to yourself. Your happiness is just as important as everyone else's, and don't think otherwise.

When you make an impulsive decision, it is typically based on intense emotions and made with little thought. In most cases, quick decisions are not only poor decisions, they also reduce your control and even ruin your credibility.

To create happiness, make a habit of taking time when making both large and small decisions. Retreat, Rethink, React are your new decision-making steps, in that order.

Forgive: When you hold grudges, possess anger or find yourself always looking backward, it is hard to move forward. The great thing about forgiveness is you don't have to feel it, you just do it. And you are doing it for you, not the other person. If you are angry with someone, your attention and energy is given to them, not you. You can't control your past, and that can be upsetting sometimes. But you can control your future, and you can drive right up to happiness.

As you compete against yourself in March, you must dedicate a portion of your life to training your body and mind. This takes time and commitment. Remember that you are competing for one thing -- that feel-good moment when you notice more days seem brighter; when you notice the win. It not only lies within you, but within your family (team) and all those who you interact with (fans).

This March, turn your Madness into Happiness.

About Jaime Kulaga, Ph.D, LMHC

Jaime Kulaga, Ph.D., LMHC, is the author of "Type 'S'uperWoman - Finding the Work-Life Balance: A Self-Searching Book for Women," (www.mindfulrehab.com). Motivated by watching those she coaches become successful and with a true passion for helping others, Dr. Kulaga earned her bachelor's degree in psychology, and master's and doctorate's in counseling. As a licensed mental health counselor and certified professional coach, she has a special interest in the complex lives of today's women.

5 Questions to Ask Yourself;
The Answers May Help Set You Free

It happens when we see politicians repeatedly make the same self-destructive mistakes - think former legislator Anthony Weiner's repeated sexting scandals.

Or we hear friends complain repeatedly about the horrible job they're "stuck" in.

Or, in a rare glimmer of insight, we wonder why we're still hanging on to a "romance" that makes us miserable.

"When people seem mentally healthy and it looks like they could easily make a change that would make them happier, we're absolutely baffled by why they don't," says Steven Jay Fogel (www.StevenJayFogel.com), author of the new book Your Mind Is What Your Brain Does for a Living (March 2014).

When you're the "stuck" person, the why may seem more evident: You're scared, or you think, "If I just keep doing the right things, it will all work out."

Either way, it's likely they?and you?aren't making a conscious choice at all, Fogel says.

"We think we're making decisions based on the present, but we're usually not. We tend to operate on automatic pilot, responding to situations based on the coping strategies and thinking patterns we developed in childhood," he says.

"When those strategies are dysfunctional, we just keep repeating the same behaviors over and over again."

The good news is that we can learn to recognize that "default" thinking and rewire the brain to change it, says Fogel.

The cofounder of Westwood Financial Corp., one of the nation's leading private commercial real estate owners, Fogel draws from decades of neuroscience and mindfulness research to offer solutions.

What can you do to get yourself unstuck? Get started, he suggests, by answering these questions?in writing!

· What is causing your pain? Think about whether you're in a relationship or job that's become less and less satisfying and increasingly painful over a long period. Describe in writing the elements of the relationship or situation that are persistently causing you pain and how long you've been experiencing these problems. Knowing that there are three ways to end your suffering - accept the situation, change it, or remove yourself from it - write down the reasons you're staying even though you're suffering and what is preventing you from choosing Door 1, 2 or 3.

· How are you interpreting your partner's behavior? If you repeatedly fight about the same issues, describe the issues. Think about whether you're unconsciously investing the issue with a meaning based on your "autopilot" thinking. For instance, if you're arguing because your partner's messy and ignores your requests to be neat, are you interpreting that as disrespect toward you? Do you further interpret that disrespect as a lack of love for you? Is it possible that your partner is just not a neat person and that has nothing to do with his feelings for you?

· Do you have impulsive autopilot behaviors that are causing problems? We can often check the impulses that stem from our autopilot brain just by stopping to think before we act. Bursts of anger are one example; suppressed anger that turns into passive-aggressive behavior is another.

· Do you feel shamed or blamed by your partner's critical comments? Write down the comments accurately?as they were spoken. Then think mindfully about whether your partner was really shaming you or if you interpreted the comments in that way because of your own inner critic. If it was the former, have a conversation with the person about how you feel when this happens, and state that you'll be more open to the feedback if the criticism can be expressed objectively.

· Did you bring a myth with you into the relationship? If so, describe the myth. For example, you might have believed that you will cure everything that's wrong with the other person. Or that she will fix all of your problems. Describe how you came to believe that myth and what it would take for you to release it.

About Steven Jay Fogel: Steve Fogel is a principal and cofounder of Westwood Financial Corp., one of the largest owner-operators of retail properties in the United States. He is a licensed real estate broker and past chairman of the California Arts Council. Your Mind Is What Your Brain Does for a Living, publishing March 11, 2014, is his third book. He is also the author of My Mind Is Not Always My Friend: A Guide for How to Not Get in Your Own Way (Fresh River Press, 2010) and The Yes-I-Can Guide to Mastering Real Estate (Times Books-Random House)

Shares Tips for Those Who Suspect They
May Have a Drinking Problem

College students with symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) drink more alcohol than their peers, according to a new study published earlier this year in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology.

In addition to the problems normally associated with alcohol abuse, the students' heavier drinking also exacerbates their PTSD symptoms, the study found.

"The study doesn't identify what traumas led to the students' stress disorder, but it's safe to assume a good portion of them are survivors of child abuse and/or neglect," says Rayne E. Golay, psychotherapist, child advocate and award-winning author of The Wooden Chair, (www.raynegolay.com), a novel that illustrates the post-traumatic stress in the wake of child abuse and neglect.

Parental alcoholism is often a factor in child abuse and neglect. It's compounded by the risk that as adults, these children model their behavior on their parent - including drinking alcoholically.

Golay, who specializes in addictions counseling, says that in her many years in practice, she saw one common misconception among her alcoholic patients: They all believed that their drinking didn't affect anybody but themselves.

"That's simply not true. In a home with an alcoholic parent, everyone suffers, the most vulnerable being the children," Golay says. "They live in an insecure and unstable home, and because the alcoholic parent's behavior is unpredictable and terrifying, the children learn to be constantly on guard."

Not everyone who drinks alcohol is an alcoholic, Golay is quick to note. And she's not anti-alcohol. However, she urges parents and young adults to seriously evaluate whether alcohol is a problem in their lives, because there are solutions.

Golay offers these suggestions for people who suspect alcohol may play too important a part in their lives:

• Ask yourself the following questions; if you answer "yes" to one, alcohol may be a problem in your life.
Have you had the morning after drink? Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble? Does your drinking cause problems at home? Do you tell yourself you can stop any time you want although you keep getting drink? Have you neglected your duties because of drinking? Has anybody suggested you should stop drinking?

• Try having one drink every day for a month.
"One drink -- that is, 12 ounces of beer, 5 ounces of wine or 1.5 ounces of hard liquor -- one drink, no more, no less," Golay says. "If you can do that, you're probably not an alcoholic." She suggests this test because most alcoholics can remain completely abstinent for a length of time, but they're unable to stop after one drink. To an alcoholic, one drink is too much and a million isn't enough.

• If you think alcohol is a problem, a 28-day Minnesota Model treatment program gives good results. Golay mentions Faith Based Treatment (www.SoberRecovery.com), and Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (www.samhsa.gov) among other options.

The residential Minnesota Model combines detox and counseling built around the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous (www.aa.org). Individualized, it includes the patient's family.

"It's effective because it starts with detox from all mood-altering chemicals, which is
imperative for lasting sobriety," Golay says. "It also aims to break down denial. It forces
the patient to take a serious look at the consequences of alcohol in his or her life."
No matter which treatment the individual chooses, aftercare and continued attendance     
at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are of vital importance for lifelong sobriety.

"When the protagonist, Leini, in my book The Wooden Chair, is a young woman, she realizes that she's relying more and more on alcohol to cope with daily life," Golay says.

"Leini also recognizes that the abuse she suffered as a child and her parent's drinking are family patterns passed down to her from her maternal grandmother through her own mother. In my book The Wooden Chair, Leini determines to end this cycle by getting professional help."

About Rayne E. Golay

Rayne E. Golay, (http://www.raynegolay.com/), is a certified drug and alcohol counselor whose work with addicts informs her understanding and insights into the consequences of child abuse. She has a Master's in Psychology and is a lifelong reader and writer. The Wooden Chair, published in 2013 by Untreed Reads, won the Royal Palm Literary Award for mainstream literature in the 2005 Florida Writers Association's competition.  She hopes that this story inspires witnesses to speak up for children whom they suspect are suffering from any form of abuse and/or neglect.

Economist Says Trust Fund for Boomers Has Disappeared

 

For many baby boomers, it's comforting to believe that part of the 12.4 percent Social Security payroll tax they (or they and their employer) have been paying is going into a $2.7 trillion Social Security Trust Fund designed specifically to ensure the tidal wave of boomers now retiring will be assured their benefits.

For those already on Social Security, the taxes they pay on a portion of their benefits has also been earmarked for the fund since 1983.

Economist and former professor Allen W. Smith, however, says there is no trust fund - and a number of elected officials, including former President George W. Bush, have acknowledged that.

"To make a long story very short, we are supposed to have $2.7 trillion in Social Security surplus, all earmarked for the baby boomers' retirement, due to money generated by amendments approved in 1983," says Smith, who has researched the topic for 15 years and is author of several books, including "The Looting of Social Security" and "Ronald Reagan and the Great Social Security Heist," (www.thebiglie.net).

"But there's no money in the fund."

Where did it go? Four administrations, from Reagan to George W. Bush, spent it on myriad non-Social Security efforts.

"Obama didn't have a chance to use it - it was gone," Smith says.

The 1983 amendments approved under Reagan generated revenue by accelerating Social Security payroll tax increases, allowing a portion of benefits to be taxed, and delaying cost-of-living adjustments from June to December.

According to the Social Security Administration website:  "The surpluses are invested in (and the trust fund holds) special-issue Treasury bonds."

But what's actually sitting in the Trust Fund is non-marketable government IOUs - worthless, Smith says.

The fact has been publicly acknowledged by a 2009 Social Security trustees report;  Sen. Tom Coburn; and President George W. Bush, who in 2005 said, "There is no trust fund, just IOUs that I saw firsthand ... future generations will pay - pay for either in higher taxes or reduced benefits or cuts to other critical government programs."

Recently, Speaker of the House John Boehner offered a sobering statement on ABC's "This Week," on Oct. 6, 2013: "...Ten thousand baby boomers like me (are) retiring every single day - 70,000 this week; 3.5 million this year. And, it's not like there's money in Social Security or Medicare. The government, over the last 30 years, have spent it all."

Smith examines what needs to happen starting today.

·        Get the secret out. The total cost of paying full benefits in 2010 exceeded Social Security tax revenue by $49 billion, and the gap between revenue and costs will become larger in the coming years. "On Sept. 27, 2000, I appeared on CNN Today to discuss my book, 'The Alleged Budget Surplus, Social Security, and Voodoo Economics;' the host did not take me seriously and asked me if I was 'a voice crying in the wilderness,' " Smith says. "I'd quickly realized that he was right, with the exception of multiple statements by politicians and officials."

·        Get the AARP, NCPSSM and the media involved. The only way the government was able to pay full benefits in 2010 was to borrow billions from China, among other creditors. The public is repeatedly being told by government officials and leaders from the AARP and the National Committee to Preserve Social Security and Medicare that the trust fund has enough money pay full benefits until 2033. "I have tried engaging the leaders of these organizations with my research, but my attempts have been unsuccessful," Smith says.

·        Get the baby boomers engaged in protesting once again. Boomers are no strangers to taking to the streets to express their outrage. However, "I'm beginning to think that it's going to take missed checks before the public gets raises their voices. Unfortunately, you just don't know what you have until it's gone."

About Allen W. Smith, Ph.D.: Allen W. Smith, (www.thebiglie.net), has devoted much of his adult life to battling economic illiteracy and promoting economic education. He taught economics for 30 years before retiring as professor of economics at Eastern Illinois University in 1998 to become a full-time writer. "Understanding Inflation and Unemployment," Smith's first book, became an alternate selection of Fortune Book Club when it was published in 1976. "Understanding Economics," (Random House; 1986), was used in more than 600 schools in 48 states. In recent years, Smith has focused his research and writing on government finance and Social Security. He has discussed economics and Social Security on national television, and he has been a guest on more than 100 radio talk shows. Smith holds a B.S. in Education degree from Ball State University and M.A. and Ph.D. degrees in economics from Indiana University.