Why do so many Hollywood stars turn into Marx-huggers when it comes to politics?

Some believe it's embedded in their DNA. Entertainers are professional emoters. People who emote for a living tend to see the whole world through their emotions. Cry for the camera; cry for "social justice." Moan for the microphone; moan for "equality of outcome." Mug for an audience; mug for "welfare rights."

Others contend that they all live in Airheadsville.

To get to the bottom of this mysterious phenomenon, ace scoop snooper Poppy Rhattzi of the Hollywood Star Snitcher tabloid was assigned to go undercover and follow, spy on, photograph, and relentlessly stalk Movieland's newest starlet, Castine Couche. Here is her report.

As an object lesson to the political philosophers of the United States - those "practical" advocates of "democracy" who do not have an adequate knowledge of South America, just mainstream media "information" - one need only pause and consider the recent (and past) assumptions about Venezuela to realize the profound impact ignorance has on human affairs. (See "Democracy Vs. Individual Rights," River Cities' Reader Issue 697, August 13-19, 2008.)

All right! Wow! Ha ha. What a great-looking audience. My name is Hill Larrius, and it's great to be here in Vegas! Whoo!

Hey, what's up with these crazy presidential candidates? We have this McCain guy for the Republicans, right? Now, I'm not gonna say he's old, 'cause he really didn't fight in the Civil War, right? Hell no! He was already way too old for that war, see? Ha ha ha.

Then over here we have this Democrat, Obama, who keeps promising change. So if we elect him president, we'll have change, right? Like he'll raise our taxes and all we'll have left in our pockets is change. Ha ha ha! Ooooh. Hey, don't get mad at me, I'm just the messenger here.

The recent Saddleback Civil Forum on the Presidency was a wash. Both candidates, who claim to be Christians, spent much of their time pandering to the nearly 3 million television viewers who tuned in. But in terms of what presidential candidates John McCain and Barack Obama had to say, their responses were largely lacking in content.