05 Aug 2008

Wrap It Up: "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" and "Swing Vote"

By Mike Schulz

Brendan Fraser in The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon EmperorTHE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR

Obviously we're not meant to take The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor seriously, as it's a fantasy in which Brendan Fraser kicks the crap out of Jet Li. But honestly, even on this harmlessly dopey franchise's own lowbrow terms, could director Rob Cohen's installment be any more witless?

30 Jul 2008

Parental Guidance Suggested: "Step Brothers" and "The X-Files: I Want to Believe"

By Mike Schulz

Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly in Step BrothersSTEP BROTHERS

As I see it, the only way you can remotely enjoy director Adam McKay's Step Brothers is by accepting that all of the characters in it, even the seemingly levelheaded ones, are out of their minds. And even then you might not enjoy it.

23 Jul 2008

Harlequin Romance: "The Dark Knight"

By Mike Schulz

Heath Ledger in The Dark KnightTHE DARK KNIGHT

The buzz on Heath Ledger's portrayal of the Joker in The Dark Knight may start to wane by the time the late actor is awarded the Oscar for it, but the effects of this performance are likely to be felt for years, if not decades.

16 Jul 2008

Ew-w-w-perman: "Hellboy II: The Golden Army" and "Journey to the Center of the Earth"

By Mike Schulz

Selma Blair and Ron Perlman in Hellboy II: The Golden Army[Yes, we're aware that this is the second week in a row in which the movie-review headline is some sort of "Superman" pun. Considering how many superhero movies have already been released this summer, we're impressed that we've kept the tally to merely two.]

HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY

I found Guillermo del Toro's Hellboy II: The Golden Army considerably more entertaining than the writer/director's 2004 comic-book adaptation Hellboy, but let's keep in mind that I didn't really care for Hellboy much at all.

09 Jul 2008

Stupor Man: "Hancock"

By Mike Schulz

Will Smith in HancockHANCOCK

It's been a couple of days now, and I find that my feelings toward the Will Smith blockbuster Hancock remain naggingly unresolved. And unfortunately, those feelings aren't going to be resolved through writing a review, because most of what I find troubling is troubling because of a mid-film plot development that I wouldn't dream of giving away. In the end, I found Hancock to be funny, smart, silly, exciting, preposterous, maddening, and unexpectedly haunting, but until it becomes safe to discuss the movie in full, it'll be tough to explain exactly why.

02 Jul 2008

WOW•E: "WALL•E" and "Wanted"

By Mike Schulz

WALL•EWALL•E

Pixar's WALL•E is the best 100 minutes I've spent at the movies this year. It may wind up being the best 100 I'll have spent at the movies all year. (The first half seems perfect, and the second half seems merely to be Pixar working at full inspiration, which is the closest thing to perfect.) Prior to WALL•E, I found it impossible to decide whether Toy Story 2 or Finding Nemo or The Incredibles was my favorite of the studio's features. Now they're all fighting for second.

25 Jun 2008

86ed: "Get Smart" and "The Love Guru"

By Mike Schulz

Anne Hathaway and Steve Carell in Get SmartGET SMART

I can only imagine the business conversation that led to remaking TV's Get Smart as a big-budget summertime blockbuster. But I'm guessing it went something like this: "Let's remake TV's Get Smart as a big-budget summertime blockbuster!" "Okay! Let's!"

18 Jun 2008

Jollier Green Giant: "The Incredible Hulk" and "The Happening"

By Mike Schulz

The Incredible HulkTHE INCREDIBLE HULK

Up until its final reel, when the movie lapses into a tiresome big-screen adaptation of Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, The Incredible Hulk is a pretty entertaining superhero blockbuster, in large part because it doesn't much feel like a typical superhero blockbuster.

11 Jun 2008

I'm with Stupid: "You Don't Mess with the Zohan" and "Kung Fu Panda"

By Mike Schulz

Adam Sandler in You Don't Mess with the ZohanYOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN

The latest Adam Sandler vehicle, You Don't Mess with the Zohan, is crass, infantile, moronic, and, on almost any level you can name, pretty damned offensive. I could kill myself for having so much fun at it.

04 Jun 2008

Carrie On: "Sex & the City" and "The Strangers"

By Mike Schulz

Kristin Davis, Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon, and Kim Cattrall in Sex & the CitySEX & THE CITY

The experience of the Sex & the City movie was, for me, akin to pissing away a weekend afternoon watching two-and-a-half hours' worth of sitcom episodes, in succession, on DVD; by the time the closing credits rolled, I felt quite entertained, a little exhausted, and vaguely guilty for not doing something more productive with my time.

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