08 Feb 2015

Blow It Out Uranus: "Jupiter Ascending," "Seventh Son," "The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water," and "Two Days, One Night"

By Mike Schulz

Mila Kunis in Jupiter AscendingJUPITER ASCENDING

After months of previews in the wake of its delayed release, the big-budget sci-fi spectacle Jupiter Ascending - originally scheduled for summer 2014 - finally landed this past weekend. And with its opening, a question can now be asked: Was there any point at which Warner Bros. executives seriously considered pulling the plug on writers/directors/siblings Andy and Lana Wachowski's epic stinker? Maybe when Channing Tatum was cast as a human/wolf hybrid with a blond goatee and pointy ears? Or when an incensed Russian beat the hell out of his son with a throw pillow? Or when, for the performer's first scene, the Wachowskis handed Mila Kunis an all-too-symbolic toilet brush?

28 Apr 2013

Meatheads: "Pain & Gain" and "The Big Wedding"

By Mike Schulz

Dwayne Johnson, Mark Wahlberg, and Anthony Mackie in Pain & GainPAIN & GAIN

In Pain & Gain, the witty, savvy, almost perfectly pitched new release by Michael Bay, Mark Wahlberg plays a dimwitted personal trainer who decides he'd rather steal than pursue the American dream, and - .

Yes, I just used "witty," "savvy," and "almost perfectly pitched" to describe a Michael Bay movie. Trust me, you're not as shocked as I am.

09 Sep 2012

Writer Wrong: "The Words" and "The Cold Light of Day"

By Mike Schulz

Bradley Cooper and Zoe Saldana in The WordsTHE WORDS

Three separate narratives dovetail in The Words, a modestly engaging morality drama by writers/directors Brian Klugman and Lee Sternthal. Yet ironically enough, the one narrative I never bought into was the one that's meant to be the most believable, though heaven knows the other two aren't exactly models of cinematic authenticity.

12 Dec 2010

Lewis and Lark: "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" and "The Tourist"

By Mike Schulz

Ben Barnes, Skandar Keynes, and Georgie Henley in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn TreaderTHE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER

In the third cinematic installment of C.S. Lewis' Narnia series, the cumbersomely titled The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, we're introduced to a character new to the franchise - a grouchy little snot named Eustace Scrubb. The pre-adolescent cousin to the young heroes of 2005's The Lion, the Witch, & the Wardrobe and 2008's Prince Caspian, this kid, played by Will Poulter, is truly a piece of work - closed-minded, miserly, cowardly, and prone to explosively motor-mouthed bouts of hysteria. With his constantly knit brow and the voice of an aggrieved, middle-aged schoolmarm, Poulter's Eustace is about the most obnoxious, potentially alienating figure that you could ever imagine popping into this fantasy saga. He's also so side-splittingly funny that he almost singlehandedly makes Dawn Treader not just enjoyable, but easily the most surprising screen Narnia to date.

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