Nia Long, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Zulay Henao, and Cocoa Brown in Tyler Perry's The Single Moms ClubTYLER PERRY'S THE SINGLE MOMS CLUB

In Tyler Perry's new movie, a quintet of women with seemingly nothing in common beyond their single-parent status decide to ... .

I'm sorry. Can we stop for a moment? Tyler Perry has another new movie?! Is the yuletide corpse of A Madea Christmas even cold yet?

Kevin James, Adam Sandler, and Chris Rock in Grown Ups 2GROWN UPS 2

I'm presuming that you're reading this while seated. But just in case you aren't, you might want to grab the nearest chair, because in Grown Ups 2, the strongest, funniest, and damn near only performance in the movie is given by Taylor Lautner.

Yes. Taylor Lautner.

And the apocalypse just got a little bit closer.

Armie Hammer and Leonardo DiCaprio in J. EdgarJ. EDGAR

Pretty much everything that's bothersome about director Clint Eastwood's biographical drama J. Edgar is only bothersome for the movie's first half hour. That may sound like a lot of time spent bothered. But the film does run 135 minutes, even its weakest moments are by no means awful, and in the end, it emerges as a really fine work with a really fine central performance. So as a nod to J. Edgar (the movie, not the man), let's just get it out of the way and address its failings at the start.

Justin Bieber in Justin Bieber: Never Say NeverJUSTIN BIEBER: NEVER SAY NEVER

Leave it to that great Socratic thinker Ozzy Osbourne, in a recent TV commercial, to ask the question that's been on many a middle-aged mind of late: "What's a Bieber?"

Rob Schneider, Chris Rock, Kevin James, Adam Sandler, and David Spade in Grown UpsGROWN UPS

In basic outline, director Dennis Dugan's Grown Ups is similar to last autumn's Couples Retreat, that witless, odious comedy in which a gaggle of Hollywood stars enjoyed a luxury weekend on a tropical isle and demanded that audiences pick up the tab. (More than $100-million worth of ticket buyers actually did. Staggering.) Beyond their locales, though, the main difference between them is that Couples Retreat starred Vince Vaughn, Jason Bateman, Jon Favreau, Faizon Love, and Malin Akerman, while Dugan's film top-bills Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, and the entertainment vacuum known as Rob Schneider. Was this Happy Madison production - written by Sandler and Fred Wolf - going to pull off the borderline-miraculous feat of being the lesser of the two movies?