04 Sep 2012

"Get the Hell Out of Me!": "The Possession," "Lawless," and "Celeste & Jesse Forever"

By Mike Schulz

Jeffrey Dean Morgan in The PossessionTHE POSSESSION

The new horror thriller The Possession is about a little girl who requires an exorcism to remove the evil dybbuk inhabiting her body, and it opens with a title card informing us that the film is "based on a true story." You know what I'm aching to see one of these days? An exorcism-themed entertainment that isn't based on a true story. Can you imagine how much fun these things could be if we weren't consistently asked to believe in them?

16 Oct 2011

Two Left Feet: "Footloose," "The Thing," and "The Big Year"

By Mike Schulz

Kenny Wormald and Miles Teller in FootlooseFOOTLOOSE

It was probably inevitable that Paramount would get around to remaking Footloose, and once it did, the studio probably could've done worse than to hire director Craig Brewer for the job, despite a filmography (Hustle & Flow, Black Snake Moan) not exactly bursting with lighthearted confectionary fare. Yet considering that 27 years have passed since Kevin Bacon first screamed, "Let's da-a-a-ance!!!" to a grain mill full of eager young hoofers, shouldn't this new Footloose have been... I dunno... at least a slight improvement on the original?

28 Aug 2011

Hide and Speak: "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark," "Our Idiot Brother," and "Sharks 3D"

By Mike Schulz

Katie Holmes and Bailee Madison in Don't Be Afraid of the DarkDON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK

When a horror movie is really working, you tend to feel a tightening in the gut - a means of preventing you from audibly reacting to the intensity. When a horror movie is really not working, at least at the cineplex, you also tend to feel this clenching of the stomach muscles, but not because you're trying to avoid screaming. It's because you're trying to avoid laughing.

24 Jul 2011

Comic Boink, Comic Blank: "Friends with Benefits" and "Captain America: The First Avenger"

By Mike Schulz

Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake in Friends with BenefitsFRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

Modern romantic comedies are in such generally dismal shape that I feel ungrateful for wishing that Friends with Benefits were better than it actually is. But while it's impossible to fully dislike any movie that finds a nitwit shrieking "John Mayer is our generation's Sheryl Crow!" or features a couple making a solemn vow on the Bible app of the woman's iPad, I left director Will Gluck's latest thinking that the film had just missed its mark. And that, after two frequently hysterical features in a row (2009's Fired Up!, Gluck's directorial debut, and last year's Easy A), its helmer had just missed his trifecta. Damn it.

28 Feb 2010

NYPD Boo-o-o-o-o!: "Cop Out" and "The Crazies"

By Mike Schulz

Tracy Morgan and Bruce Willis in Cop OutCOP OUT

I bow to no one in my adoration for Chasing Amy, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, Clerks, and Clerks II. Still, I think it's safe to say that even those of us who frequently love the movies of New Jersey auteur Kevin Smith have always kind of wished he'd find a different director for them. His profanely hilarious, emotionally direct scripts can be exhilarating, but can you imagine how much better they might've played under the guidance of someone who actually knew where and how to position a camera?

23 Mar 2009

Love Is a Man and Splintered Thing: "Duplicity" and "I Love You, Man"

By Mike Schulz

Julia Roberts and Clive Owen in Duplicity

DUPLICITY

Starting with the film's enticing prelude, which finds Julia Roberts and Clive Owen engaging in the first of several argumentative flirtations in exotic locales, I felt that Duplicity was an intensely sharp, clever, enjoyable movie. It wasn't until its very last shot, though, that I felt it was also a great one.

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