01 Apr 2013

Gee, I Didn't Hate "Joe": "G.I. Joe: Retaliation" and "The Host"

By Mike Schulz

Dwayne Johnson in G.I. Joe: RetaliationG.I. JOE: RETALIATION

If you handed a box of crayons to a group of eight-year-olds with action figures, they'd probably come up with a more entertaining storyline for G.I. Joe: Retaliation than the one we're stuck with, which is your standard blockbuster nonsense about a megalomaniac's plan for world dominion and the crack team of well-armed, quip-ready hotshots attempting to thwart him. In a welcome surprise, though, director Jon M. Chu's follow-up to 2009's G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra is, unlike its forebear, quite a bit of zippy, throwaway fun, a fast-moving and happily unpretentious diversion with jokes, and good ones, obviously written specifically for viewers well over the age of eight.

29 Oct 2012

A Map of the World: "Cloud Atlas," "Chasing Mavericks," and "Silent Hill: Revelation"

By Mike Schulz

Tom Hanks and Halle Berry in Cloud AtlasCLOUD ATLAS

I've seen plenty of movies in which a number of excellent passages can't seem to blend into a satisfying whole. But prior to the release of Cloud Atlas, the film version of David Mitchell's sprawling 2004 novel, I don't think I'd ever seen a movie in which so many merely adequate sequences combine to form a whole that's not only satisfying but downright exhilarating. Directed by Tom Tykwer and siblings Andy and Lana Wachowski and running just shy of three hours, this genre fantasia should be a mess, and it oftentimes is. It's also, however, a hypnotic, glorious, grandly entertaining mess, one that's probably far more enjoyable than a more presentationally faithful adaptation would've been.

01 Oct 2012

Time Warped: "Looper," "Pitch Perfect," "Won't Back Down," and "House at the End of the Street"

By Mike Schulz

Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis in LooperLOOPER

Rian Johnson's Looper, a time-travel thriller set primarily in the year 2044, casts Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a contract killer whose life is upended with the arrival of his latest target: his older self, who has been transported from the year 2074 and is played by Bruce Willis. This means that, with Gordon-Levitt delivering rather uncanny likenesses of his co-star's traditional scowls and smirks - and with the younger actor's countenance bizarrely altered to resemble the elder actor's familiar face - Willis essentially plays both leading roles ... which isn't the most enticing of setups if, like me, you generally find one Bruce Willis more than enough.

16 Sep 2012

Send in the Clones: "Resident Evil: Retribution," "Ruby Sparks," and "Last Ounce of Courage"

By Mike Schulz

Milla Jovovich in Resident Evil: RetributionRESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION

If you were at a Friday-afternoon screening of Resident Evil: Retribution and heard, some 30 seconds before the end credits, an audible groan of frustration and annoyance, I apologize if my unplanned outburst was distracting. I just couldn't believe that this mindless, endless series was going to require yet another freakin' sequel.

05 Aug 2012

Really, Really Secret Agent Man: "Total Recall" and "Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days"

By Mike Schulz

Colin Farrell in Total RecallTOTAL RECALL

Beyond its rather stunning scenic design, the best thing about director Len Wiseman's new Total Recall update is Kate Beckinsale, which is pretty surprising, considering that this admittedly capable, inarguably gorgeous performer really hasn't been the best thing about any of her previous movies.

11 Jun 2012

In the Beginning ... : "Prometheus" and "Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted"

By Mike Schulz

Logan Marshall-Green, Noopi Rapace, and Michael Fassbender in PrometheusPROMETHEUS

After many months of speculation, the question of whether Ridley Scott's Prometheus is, in fact, a prequel to the director's Alien can finally be answered: Hell yeah it is. And a good thing, too, because the enticing echoes of that 1979 sci-fi/horror essential are among the scant few elements that truly resonate in this visually extraordinary but only fitfully engaging endeavor.

29 May 2012

The Third Time's the Charmer: "Men in Black 3" and "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel"

By Mike Schulz

Josh Brolin and Will Smith in Men in Black 3MEN IN BLACK 3

Is it merely deserved absence making my heart grow fonder, or is Men in Black 3, against almost all expectation, awfully damned good?

15 Apr 2012

Biting (Off) the Hand That Feeds You: "The Cabin in the Woods," "The Three Stooges," "The Raid: Redemption," and "Lockout"

By Mike Schulz

Fran Kranz, Chris Hemsworth, and Anna Hutchison in The Cabin in the WoodsTHE CABIN IN THE WOODS

Hollywood's been leading toward it for decades, and with the blithely enjoyable, exceedingly clever The Cabin in the Woods, it's finally happened: A movie has been released in which practically everything about it - its plot, its twists, its performers, its characters, its themes, its jokes - could be considered a spoiler.

11 Mar 2012

One-Shot Wonder: "Silent House," "John Carter," and "A Thousand Words"

By Mike Schulz

Elizabeth Olsen in Silent HouseSILENT HOUSE

It's entirely possible that you'll need to have seen an awful lot of horror movies - particularly an awful lot of awful horror movies - to be jazzed by Silent House, considering that it's basically just 90 minutes of a young woman being terrorized by barely glimpsed figures and startling noises in her family's lakeside summer home. (Contrary to the title, this house is anything but silent.) Yet if you can get past the paper-thin storyline and a climax that's less "Aa-a-a!!!" than "Hu-u-uh?!?", the movie proves to be a terrifically nerve-racking and utterly fascinating scare flick, because from first shot to last, the action not only takes place in real time, but seems to have been filmed in one continuous take.

05 Feb 2012

"Dude, Where's My Conscience?": "Chronicle," "The Woman in Black," "Big Miracle," and "The Last Reef"

By Mike Schulz

Dane DeHaan in ChronicleCHRONICLE

Part superhero (and -villain) origin fable and part teen-angst melodrama, Chronicle concerns three high-schoolers who venture down a mysterious hole in the Earth and emerge with telekinetic powers, and the best thing about the movie is that its leads subsequently behave just as high-schoolers likely would in such a situation.

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