17 Aug 2014

They're Getting Too Old for This S--- : "The Expendables 3"

By Mike Schulz

Sylvester Stallone in The Expendables 3THE EXPENDABLES 3

To date, Sylvester Stallone has played Rocky Balboa on-screen six times, John Rambo four times, and, with the release of The Expendables 3, Barney Ross three times. According to the Internet Movie Database, Rambo V, with Stallone writing and starring, is currently in pre-production, and Rocky is set to return in a new feature titled Creed. In other words, Sylvester Stallone is the very last man you'd want handling the remains of your beloved dead horse.

29 Dec 2013

O Christmas Three, O Christmas Three ... : "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty," "Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom," and "Grudge Match"

By Mike Schulz

Ben Stiller in The Secret Life of Walter MittyTHE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY, MANDELA: LONG WALK TO FREEDOM, and GRUDGE MATCH

With apologies to Keanu Reeves fans and the true Beliebers among you, I still haven't gotten around to 47 Ronin or Justin Bieber's Believe. (In the case of the latter, I'm not sure I ever will, although stranger things have happened, I guess ... .) But among the numerous titles that opened opposite The Wolf of Wall Street on Christmas Day, I did manage to catch a few of 'em ... .

02 Dec 2013

Disney on Ice: "Frozen," "Black Nativity," and "Homefront"

By Mike Schulz

FrozenFROZEN

As its fans (and I'm one of them) will gladly attest, Disney's Frozen is a bit of a throwback to the studio's recent golden age of animated entertainments - that period from the late '80s to the mid-'90s that found more-or-less traditional fairy and folk tales goosed with healthy portions of Broadway razzmatazz. (Those in the press championing this new work as a welcome and rather bold return to form, however, do seem to have conveniently forgotten about 2009's excellent The Princess & the Frog and 2010's near-excellent Tangled.) But while much of the film follows the standard Disney-in-its-prime formula to the letter - big-eyed ingénue heroine, check; wacky animal sidekick, check; rafter-shaking power ballad destined to win an Oscar, check - there is one aspect to Frozen that separates it from the Little Mermaid/Beauty & the Beast/Lion King herd: The movie is kind of bonkers.

20 Oct 2013

Period Piece: "Carrie," "The Fifth Estate," and "Escape Plan"

By Mike Schulz

Chloe Grace Moretz in CarrieCARRIE

(Author's note: Spoilers will abound. Given that the movie under consideration is an oftentimes word-for-word updating of a 37-year-old work, I hope I'll be forgiven for them.)

As remakes of beloved genre classics go, I suppose there's little point in being bothered by the new Carrie. Director Kimberly Peirce's outing, after all, is easy to sit through, smartly staged, generally well-acted, and, in most regards, incredibly faithful to Brian De Palma's 1976 original (which was, itself, reasonably faithful to Stephen King's debut novel of 1974). The CGI effects are pretty weak, and the movie isn't even slightly scary, and considering that nearly all sentient beings know what happens to poor Carrie White at the prom - with the movie's entire advertising campaign based on post-prom imagery - there's almost nothing in the way of storyline surprise, but whatever. It's fine.

20 Aug 2012

Old Habits Die Hard: "The Expendables 2," "ParaNorman," and "The Odd Life of Timothy Green"

By Mike Schulz

Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, and Terry Crews in The Expendables 2THE EXPENDABLES 2

If home viewings of The Expendables 2 are one day turned into a drinking game, and I pray that they are, one of the rules has to be that you chug every time the film employs a thudding cliché from the '80s, either directly or indirectly. A plot involving stolen weapons-grade plutonium? Drink! A team of he-men astonished that a new female recruit can actually do something? Drink! Dolph Lundgren wrestling with a Rubik's Cube? Drink twice!

10 Jul 2011

Harass-holes: "Horrible Bosses," "Larry Crowne," and "Zookeeper"

By Mike Schulz

Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis, and Jason Bateman in Horrible BossesHORRIBLE BOSSES

It's kind of a shame that the Farrelly brothers' Three Stooges movie is currently in the process of filming. Is it too late for the directors to re-cast it with Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, and Charlie Day in the leads?

15 Aug 2010

Ex Men (and a Woman) United: "Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World" and "The Expendables"

By Mike Schulz

Michael Cera and Mary Elizabeth Winstead in Scott Pilgrim Vs. the WorldSCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD

Is there any working film director who adores actors more than Edgar Wright? I ask this after recently viewing (for maybe the sixth time) the British helmer's action spoof Hot Fuzz and (for maybe the millionth) the untouchable zombie satire Shaun of the Dead, comedies with the rare distinction of being populated entirely with sharp, funny performers; even the walk-ons - or, in Shaun's case, the lurch- and stumble-ons - are charismatic. And after seeing the director's latest, Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World, I think a wholly reasonable case can be made for Wright being the best friend that anyone with a SAG card and a dream could ever hope for. You could fill 110 movies with the joyous onslaught of personality on display in this movie's 110 minutes.

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