05 Dec 2000

Covering the Bases

By Garry Lee Wright
(click) "...you're watching MSNBCNN.com, where our catchy graphic shows that both presidential candidates are scheduled to make a statement at 9pm Eastern Time tonight, just a few minutes from now..." (click) "Good evening, my fellow Americans.
21 Nov 2000

Count Me In

By Garry Lee Wright
"All right. Here we go again." "Ready?" "Yep." "One for Gore-Lieberman." "Gore-Lieberman. One." "One for Bush-Cheney." "One for Bush-Cheney. Got it." "One for Cheney, but not Bush.
14 Nov 2000

Greetings from the Sunshine State

By Garry Lee Wright
(rrrrring) "Hello?" "George? It's Al." "Al? Al who?" "Get off it, Junior. It's Al, the next President of the United States, that's who." "In your dreams, Poindexter.
31 Oct 2000

It's Almost Over

By Garry Lee Wright
"Vargon, the Imperial Council is ready to hear your report on the progress of intergalactic colonization project HMX-2528." "Thank you, Comrade Expletivios. Good morning, distinguished members of the Imperial Council.
25 Oct 2000

Thanks a Million

By Garry Lee Wright
"Boss, we're getting sued." "Sued? Who'd sue ABC?" "It's in the papers. Listen to this. 'A federal judge will rule shortly on whether the hit television program Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? discriminates against the hearing-impaired and those who can't use touch-tone telephones.
17 Oct 2000

There She Is

By Garry Lee Wright
Q: I'm so mad at all them media for making fun of the Miss America pageant. I been watching it for a real long time and I sure do like the good, clean, family entertainment, especially that part where the girls come out half-naked in their bathing suits.
10 Oct 2000

Two Guys In Red Ties

By Garry Lee Wright
"Hello everyone, I'm Jim Lehrer, although my accent makes that rhyme with 'Berra,' as in Yogi Berra. And if you think that's confusing, wait until you watch the rest of this cockamamy debate, which is supposed to convince America that these guys are the best choices available, instead of just two bozos put up by the power elite.
03 Oct 2000

Just Say No

By Garry Lee Wright
"Welcome back to 60 Minutes IX. Next up: There's been a lot of discussion recently about the lack of a prescription-drug plan for Medicare, and why necessary medicines have gotten to costing so darned much.
27 Sep 2000

The Miracle of Democracy

By Garry Lee Wright
"Hello, everyone. It's your beloved national icon and TV best friend Oprah again! I'm back with another entertaining yet relevant show that the whole country will be talking about next week. As you know, the two major presidential candidates were my guests recently and all of us came off pretty lame.
19 Sep 2000

Whazzup

By Garry Lee Wright
Bobby Knight addresses a joint session of Congress. "Ladies and gentlemen, I could say a lot of things right now. I could say, 'You won't have old Knight to kick around anymore.' I could say, 'Well, there's $500 in yoga lessons down the drain.

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