18 Sep 2001

A Building in New York

By Garry Lee Wright
There will be many thoughtful columns, articles, and books written about the events of September 11, 2001, so the following won't count for much. If you'd prefer to skip it altogether, that's understandable. As I write, it's been less than 24 hours since the first reports.
11 Sep 2001

Hooked

By Garry Lee Wright
Dear recipient: Thank you for signing up as a new patient - or, if you prefer, client - at our Internet therapy Web site, You'reNotCrazy.com. This service is designed to improve your mental health at a fraction of the cost of conventional treatment - and save you the anxiety and embarrassment of waiting for an appointment in a claustrophobic room with strangers who are talking to themselves or wearing sunglasses indoors.
04 Sep 2001

Back to School 3001

By Garry Lee Wright
"All right, children, settle down. I know it's been a long summer, but we need to get back to work now. Everyone turn down your voice-simulation devices and reconnect your seating modules. And Tommy 2X, stop eating that semiconductor paste.
21 Aug 2001

Ask the News Junkie

By Garry Lee Wright
Q: I sure like Al Gore's new look. In all the latest photos, he's wearing a beard. What's the inside story? A: This bold move was suggested by the Democratic National Committee, which hopes voters won't recognize the former vice president, thus giving him a fresh start for 2004.
14 Aug 2001

Call Me Bill

By Garry Lee Wright
"Welcome to another edition of Larry King Live. Tonight our special guest is The Man Who Won't Go Away, Bubba the Baby Boomer, the Kahuna of Controversy, the Guy You Hate to Love and Love to Hate, that dashing former president of the United States, Bill Clinton.
07 Aug 2001

Two Facts and a Deadline

By Garry Lee Wright
"All right, let's get this over with. As you know, my name is Skip Kovacs, and I have a long history in successful tabloid journalism. That's why they just hired me to take over as editor of this newspaper. So, starting today, we're going to put some real pizzazz into print.
31 Jul 2001

Science in the News

By Garry Lee Wright
"Gimme another beer, willya Mike? And a coupla Slim Jims." "Beer's gonna kill ya, Louie. You oughta drink healthy like I do. Lemme see that paper." "Whaddaya mean, healthy?" "Gatorade and vodka.
24 Jul 2001

G-Men

By Garry Lee Wright
"Welcome to another edition of Blowhard Roundtable - the fast-moving, hard-hitting, fist-banging program where Washington insiders shout at each other while you just sit there and listen." "That's right, Fred.
17 Jul 2001

McSatire

By Garry Lee Wright
There's a stack of news clippings here labeled "McDonald's" that is getting so thick we finally had to move the Gary Condit file. Ba-da-boom. But seriously. I spent all week trying to write something funny about America's Most Successful Fast Food Chain, by way of introducing a just-leaked story that spotlights the company's latest misadventure.
10 Jul 2001

Bottoms Up!

By Garry Lee Wright
"All right, let's get started. This meeting of Underage Alcohol Marketers Anonymous will please come to order. And remember, no last names." "Can I go first?" "Fine." "Hello, everybody.

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