As hilarious as Regina Hall, Sterling K. Brown, and their Honk for Jesus. Save Your Soul. co-stars frequently are, you're left as likely to well up from pity as from laughter. This is a truly rare bird: a mockumentary drama. With loads of cringey giggles.

No one wants to get mugged, but I was delighted to have Three Thousand Years of Longing sneak up on me and knock me out.

A prequel to the 2009 horror yarn whose moderate success didn't suggest the likelihood of follow-ups, Orphan: First Kill is an extremely unlikely movie in more ways than one: It's unrepentant, obscene, even laughable trash, and about as much fun as I've had at the cineplex all month.

Running in downtown Davenport August 25 through September 3, the latest stage comedy by the Haus of Ruckus team of T. Green and Calvin Vo is Random Access Morons, and as those first two words and the title's acronym suggest, the show is technology-themed. But despite this latest Mockingbird on Main presentation reacquainting audiences with Green's and Vo's familiar and beloved characters Fungus and Johnny, the duo's third theatrical adventure since November doesn't find the goofball slackers playing video games. Not externally, at any rate.

For the third year in a row, the professional dancers of Ballet Quad Cities bring their considerable talents outdoors in the company's latest incarnation of Ballet on the Lawn – a trio of August 28 performances at Davenport's Outing Club that will deliver, as artistic director Courtney Lyon states, “mostly all-new pieces. Which is surprising to me, because at first I thought, 'Oh, we'll kind of ease into the season … !' But somehow, we decided to instead do new pieces, or pieces that haven't been on stage for a long time, so they're all new to the dancers.”

Interestingly, in a weekend that saw the arrival of precisely zero new major-studio movies, the three local releases we did get all featured significant characters who earned a living through their podcasts, YouTube channels, and/or Instagram accounts. Once upon a time, on-screen professionals focused on careers in advertising and architecture. Now they're only focused on themselves. Eh, it's 2022. Guess that makes sense.

As a movie lover/reviewer who's been at this a lo-o-ong time, it should go without saying that I almost never see a film anymore that I'd consider calling my new all-time favorite. But every now and then, I do see films that I'm pretty certain will be somebody's new all-time favorite, and director David Leitch's comedy thriller Bullet Train absolutely feels like one of those titles.

While the remainder of this piece will kind of forced to be All About Me, allow me to raise a figurative champagne flute – figurative because it's actually a glass of chillable red I'll be raising – in acknowledgment of others.

In his first outing as a feature-film writer/director/star, B.J. Novak does a lot of very smart things in Vengeance; while I've enjoyed a bunch of movies this summer, none of them has been the low-key, completely unanticipated surprise that this comedic thriller proves to be.

Did you know that UFOs (unidentified flying objects) are now, instead, routinely classified as UAP (unidentified aerial phenomena)? Until seeing Jordan Peele's Nope, I had no idea – just as I had no idea that the writer/director/producer could so successfully harvest the Spielberg/Shymalan oeuvres for his specific needs, or that the image of a monkey staring directly into the camera lens could so thoroughly freak me out.

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