Across the board, education is at the top of what appears to be a bipartisan agenda for Iowa's 2001 legislative session. The 79th General Assembly convened Monday, January 8, and will continue for 110 calendar days due to the year's odd number.

"Hello everyone. This is Bob Costas again, looking younger than ever and coming to you live from Washington, D.C., where the country is turning on the juice and getting it done ? inaugurating its 43rd president with four days of pageantry and pathos, played out against the colorful backdrop of an historic, even legendary, city. And joining me here in the broadcast booth is the man who brought 280 million people to their grateful feet just by being such a good sport. Our soon-to-be-former vice president, Al Gore."


"Thanks, Bob. It's great to be here in our nation's capital with so many wonderful Americans wearing casual clothes."


"Well, let's give our viewers a taste of the festivities in store for them here at 'Inauguration 2001.' The big parade, of course, starts right after the oath-taking ceremony."


"Right, Bob. And the Republican theme sounds like one I might have chosen myself? 'Diversity: It's Pretty Neat!' There are also floats representing every race, creed, color, and national origin, even the ones who voted for me."


"Do you have a favorite float?"


"I do. It's the one that sprays orange juice at the crowd while it plays a tape of Anita Bryant singing, 'Come to the Florida Sunshine Tree.'"


10:20AM, PRESS CONFERENCE


"Can you give us details of all the inaugural festivities?"


"Okay, but first we'd like to point out that despite all the parties, dinners, concerts, marching bands, and coffee receptions, the president-elect is having only nine official inaugural balls, versus President Clinton's 14."


"How much did all this cost?"


"I'm afraid that information is classified."


"Can you give us a hint?"


"Put it this way. We pretty much used up that tax cut thing."


11:00AM. INSIDE THE PRESIDENTIAL LIMOUSINE


"Billy Boy, if it weren't traditional for the incoming president and the outgoing president to ride to the ceremony together, I'd rather treat Dick Cheney for a snakebite than be in the same car with you."


"Relax, Dubya. As a member of the lucky sperm club, this is the closest you'll ever get to real greatness. Now, about that pardon. I was thinking that, just as a gesture of goodwill, you might want to?"


"Not a chance, Mr. Vast-Right-Wing-Conspiracy! Bad enough that you already pardoned everybody but Charles Manson. Now you pull this last-minute stuff with the forests."


"Couldn't let you turn the last frontier into telephones and toothpicks."


"Listen, Mr. Rhodes scholar. You're not the only one with a college degree. I went to Yale and Harvard."


"Oh yeah? Then why couldn't you come up with your own cabinet?"


"A lot of the people on our previous-administration short list turned out to be dead."


1:30PM. SWEARING IN


"Ready?"


"Yes, Mr. Chief Justice. But I was wondering if, instead of the Bible, I could take the oath on this copy of How to Profit from the Coming Recession. You know, just for good luck."


"I suppose so. All right, repeat after me. 'I, George Herbert Walker Millie the Dog Bush Junior, do solemnly swear?'"


"I, George Herbert Walker Millie the Dog Bush Junior, do?"


"Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I thought we were swearing in your father again."


"No, he retired. But I'm sure gonna call him every day."


"Hold on! Bait and switch! The deal's off!"


"Deal? What deal?"


"That vote-counting in Florida. All right, everybody. We've been thinking things over and we're going to take one more look at those ballots before we commit to anything."


"No! You can't do that!"


"Yes, we can!"


"No, you can't!"


"Yes, we can."


"No!"


"Yes!"


"No!"


"Yes!"




"Al, Al, wake up!"


"Whaatt? Oh, I must have been dreaming."


"Well, wake up. It's time to get ready."


"Ready?"


"You have two grand openings today, plus that taping of Hollywood Squares."


"Today? I thought that was next week."


"They moved it up. Gilbert Gottfried called in sick."

Copyright 2000 Newrite, Inc. All rights reserved. GLW's on WGN Radio AM 720 and wgnradio.com. Coming soon: newsjunkie.net.

Happy New Year to all! Some consider this year the true beginning of the Millennium. 2000 went by like wildfire, and things occurred in a blink of the eye, especially at Davenport's City Hall. The Council has now served its first year, and their actions, or lack thereof, can be evaluated.

(The FCC said recently that TV networks should have identified the White House as a sponsor when anti-drug messages ran in prime-time scripts. Here's the original story from last January.)
TO: Skip Kovacs, VP/ Network Operations
FROM: J.

I am constantly frustrated at the lack of due diligence when it comes to the Davenport city council's proceedings protocol. As I understand it, the council is given green sheets that are brief overviews, item by item, of the coming week's city business.

The Economic Development Department of the City of Davenport held a workshop on Economic Development Tools and TIF on December 9, 2000, at City Hall. City leaders, aldermen and local activists attended to learn, discuss and debate the merits of TIF and development principles in general.

In 1988, John Carpenter released a motion picture titled They Live. In his sci-fi political satire, the government was hypnotizing the American public through the media. The message was to sleep and accept what you are told as the truth.

Dick Cheney feels that in a war the press is "a problem to be managed." (See "Battles Rage," the River Cities' Reader, Issue 299, November 29, 2000.) If that attitude is difficult to understand, then perhaps your priorities should be re-examined.

I hope this publication will see fit to print a correction of a glaring error in the review of the Cycular motorycle exhibit. (See "Riding through American History on Two Wheels," the River Cities' Reader, Issue 289, September 20, 2000.

When DavenportOne was formed, in part, out of the consolidation of the several separate but similar downtown groups earlier this year, I was skeptical of how decisions were going to be made on future spending, vision, and the organization of our city's core.

Pages