29 Mar 2009

Me and You and a Blob of Blue: "Monsters Vs. Aliens" and "The Haunting in Connecticut"

By Mike Schulz

Monsters vs. Aliens' monsters

MONSTERS VS. ALIENS

After a quick, manic prelude that effectively sets the tone for this quick, manic movie, Dreamworks' animated Monsters Vs. Aliens offers what is doubtless the most promising opening credit of the year, wrapping up its recognition of voice-over actors with: " ... and Stephen Colbert as the President." All right!, you think. Success at last!

23 Mar 2009

Apocalypse Nigh: "Knowing," "Waltz with Bashir," and "Brain Dead"

By Mike Schulz

KNOWING

Knowing, director Alex Proyas' new portents-of-doom thriller starring Nicolas Cage, has an intriguing premise and some enjoyably nightmarish effects. Yet it's still such a shallow and deeply silly piece of work that, even though the movie explores numerology, determinism, and the eternal mysteries of the universe, somehow you just know it's all going to climax with Cage pointing a gun at someone and screaming, "I want my son! Now!!!" The film isn't really a disappointment - lord knows its previews made Knowing look much worse than it is - but its disconcerting blend of high drama and low camp tends to get you giggling at the exact moments you should be taking it the most seriously.

16 Mar 2009

The Family That Slays Together... : "The Last House on the Left," "Miss March," and "Race to Witch Mountain"

By Mike Schulz

Martha MacIsaac in The Last House on the Left

THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT

Seven weeks into its release, the ludicrous, laughable Taken is still in the top five at the box office, and it wasn't until seeing The Last House on the Left that I had a theory as to why: One should never underestimate the cinematic appeal of watching Daddy beat the crap out of his kid's assailants. It's doubtful that director Dennis Iliadis' remake of Wes Craven's grimy 1972 horror show will attract Taken-size crowds, but it, too, frames its nightmare around a brutalized teenage girl whose survival depends on the ass-kicking resourcefulness of her vengeful father (with her mother lending a hand, and a knife, for good measure). The difference between the movies, though, is that The Last House on the Left is actually a pretty good one.

16 Feb 2009

Jason Born: "Friday the 13th" and "Under the Sea 3D"

By Mike Schulz

FRIDAY THE 13TH

When the original Friday the 13th debuted, I was living in Crystal Lake, Illinois, and just a month shy of 12 years old. So you can only imagine how jazzed I was when I saw director Marcus Nispel's Friday the 13th reboot this past weekend, and the movie not only opened with its victims-to-be hanging out at Crystal Lake (as the series' inspiration demands), but with a title card reading "June 13, 1980" - my 12th birthday!

02 Feb 2009

"Get Out of Our House/State/Country!": "The Uninvited," "New in Town," and "Taken"

By Mike Schulz

THE UNINVITED

Based on a South Korean horror film from 2003, The Uninvited begins with ... .

Wait! Don't go! I swear, this one isn't that bad!

26 Mar 2008

The Blond Leading the Bland: "Drillbit Taylor," "Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns," and "Shutter"

By Mike Schulz

DRILLBIT TAYLOR

Last summer, when Superbad hit it big, we learned that co-writers Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg wrote a first draft of the script when they were 13. Rogen is now credited as co-writer (with Kristofer Brown) for the revenge-of-the-nerds comedy Drillbit Taylor, and although I haven't done any research on the film's history, I'm kind of hoping it's something he began working on when he was, say, eight or nine. Juvenile is one thing, but remedial is quite another, and unfortunately, Drillbit Taylor feels as though it was hastily assembled during a grade-school sleepover in which Rogen began prepping Superbad, with My Bodyguard and Ferris Bueller's Day Off used as additional "inspiration."

17 May 2006

Brush with Greatness: "Art School Confidential," "Poseidon," "An American Haunting," "Akeelah & the Bee," "Hoot," and "RV"

By Mike Schulz

ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL

I've read critics who have described Terry Zwigoff's Art School Confidential as nihilistic, sour, and mean-spirited. They're saying it like that's a bad thing. Working with screenwriter Daniel Clowes - adapting the film from his comic book, and again collaborating with the director who helmed 2001's Clowes-scripted Ghost World - Zwigoff has, here, fashioned a wonderfully nihilistic, sour, and mean-spirited comedy; it might take easy potshots at the politics and posturings of the art community, but those potshots are funny and clever, and the film's refusal to sentimentalize any of its characters (even our protagonist) is incredibly refreshing. Still, the movie has been met with much dissatisfaction, if not outright annoyance. Art School Confidential seems, to me, the most thoroughly misunderstood movie of the year.

20 Sep 2005

"Murderball" Is the Best of Eight - and of the Year: Also, "The Exorcism of Emily Rose," "Jane Goodall's Wild Chimpanzees," "Lord of War," "An Unfinished Life," "The Constant Gardener," "Cry Wolf," and "The Man"

By Mike Schulz

MURDERBALL

I've seen a lot of sublimely satisfying documentaries this year, but none with the scope and passion of Murderball. Like last year's brilliant Metallica: Some Kind of Monster, the film's title and ostensible subject matter - quadriplegic rugby - are probably enough to frighten off the audiences who would love it the most, which I pray won't happen; Murderball, currently playing at the Brew & View Rocket, is, thus far, the most invigorating, fascinating, surprising, and deeply human movie of 2005.

23 Nov 2004

Under-the-Radar Offerings Don't Offer Much: "After the Sunset," "Seed of Chucky," "The Corporation," "The Clearing," and "A Home at the End of the World"

By Mike Schulz

Before assessing the Hollywood output designed to fill us all with holiday cheer (Jerry Bruckheimer's action extravaganza, Oliver Stone's historical war epic, Tim Allen after a Botox injection ... y'know, that sort of thing), let's take a brief look at a few titles flying a bit beneath the blockbuster radar.

24 Aug 2004

Don't Believe the Hype on "Open Water": Also, "AVP: Alien vs. Predator" and "The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement"

By Mike Schulz

OPEN WATER

We all know that shoestring-budgeted independent works aren't necessarily going to have the professional sheen of Hollywood output, but after reading the rave reviews for Open Water, I feel compelled to ask: Just how much amateurishness are we expected to endure in the name of cinematic political-correctness (i.e., loving an indie solely for being an indie)? Barring an ingeniously edited sequence during a thunderstorm and a few stomach-tightening moments when sharks make surprise appearances, I didn't find Open Water the least bit scary, let alone "Riveting!", "Electrifying!", and all the other superlatives currently being lavished on it (and this from someone who still gets freaked out watching The Blair Witch Project). Worse still, the movie is so badly performed and overwritten that it has the unintentional effect of coming off as totally phony, and since the film was notoriously shot with the leading actors surrounded by real sharks, realism is Open Water's only true draw. Are we film critics now so openly hateful toward CGI-heavy Hollywood blockbusters that we'll happily convince ourselves that tedious, flatly staged thrillers such as Open Water are actually great?

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Me and You and a Blob of Blue: "Monsters Vs. Aliens" and "The Haunting in Connecticut"

Apocalypse Nigh: "Knowing," "Waltz with Bashir," and "Brain Dead"

The Family That Slays Together... : "The Last House on the Left," "Miss March," and "Race to Witch Mountain"

Jason Born: "Friday the 13th" and "Under the Sea 3D"

"Get Out of Our House/State/Country!": "The Uninvited," "New in Town," and "Taken"

The Blond Leading the Bland: "Drillbit Taylor," "Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns," and "Shutter"

Brush with Greatness: "Art School Confidential," "Poseidon," "An American Haunting," "Akeelah & the Bee," "Hoot," and "RV"

"Murderball" Is the Best of Eight - and of the Year: Also, "The Exorcism of Emily Rose," "Jane Goodall's Wild Chimpanzees," "Lord of War," "An Unfinished Life," "The Constant Gardener," "Cry Wolf," and "The Man"

Under-the-Radar Offerings Don't Offer Much: "After the Sunset," "Seed of Chucky," "The Corporation," "The Clearing," and "A Home at the End of the World"

Don't Believe the Hype on "Open Water": Also, "AVP: Alien vs. Predator" and "The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement"

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