Whether it's Mom, Dad, Grandma or Grandpa - or your spouse - the "holiday quarter" can present special challenges for families with a loved one suffering from dementia.

"We have an expectation that loved ones should never change from the person we've perceived them to be for years, but everyone changes significantly over an extended period, especially those diagnosed with dementia," says Kerry Mills, a sought-after expert in best care practices for people with dementia, which includes Alzheimer's. November is Alzheimer's Awareness Month.

"Dementia encompasses a wide range of brain diseases, which means it's not the fault of a Grandma if she has trouble remembering things or gets flustered. Empathy for what she's experiencing on the level of the brain will help your relationship with her. Do not expect her to meet you halfway to your world; you have to enter her world."

Spouses have a particularly difficult time coping with their partner's dementia, Mills says. A spousal relationship is a team and is central to the identities of both people. So, while you're paying special attention to a parent's or grandparent's condition, extend it to his or her spouse, she says.

Families tend to have a hard time coping with a loved one's dementia during holiday gatherings. Mills, coauthor with Jennifer A. Brush of "I Care, A Handbook for Care Partners of People with Dementia," (engagingalzheimers.com), offers tips for how to interact with a loved one - say, Grandma - whose brain is deteriorating.

•  Do not get frustrated. "First, do no harm" - the excellent maxim taught to medical students, is also a great first principle for those interacting with Grandma, who may be experiencing a level of frustration and anxiety you cannot comprehend adequately. She simply doesn't have access to certain details, but she is still a conscious and feeling person who has plenty to offer. If you get frustrated, she'll pick up on it.

•  Dedicate someone to Grandma during the gathering. Of course, loving families will want to include Grandma in the group, but be careful not to overwhelm her with attention. Her brain, which has trouble processing some information, could use assistance - a liaison to help her process things. Grandpa could probably use a break; her son or daughter may be the best handler during a gathering.

•  Give Grandma purpose; give her a task in the kitchen. Keep Grandma, who may've been prolific in the kitchen in the past, engaged! Simple tasks, such as mashing potatoes or stirring gravy, may be best. Engage her in conversation about the food. If it's Grandpa whose suffering dementia, include him in a group. Give him a cigar if the other men are going outside to smoke. Engage him in a conversation about football, which may allow him on his own terms to recall details from the past.

•  Use visual imagery and do not ask yes-or-no questions. Again, asking someone with Alzheimer's to remember a specific incident 23 years ago can be like asking someone confined to a wheelchair to run a 40-yard dash - it's physically impossible. Don't pigeonhole her. Direct Grandma in conversation; say things to her that may stimulate recollection, but don't push a memory that may not be there. Pictures are often an excellent tool.

•  Safety is your biggest priority. Whether during a holiday gathering or in general, Grandma may commit herself to activities she shouldn't be doing, such as driving.

"She's been driving for decades, and then she develops a memory problem, which not only prevents her from remembering her condition, but also how to drive safely," Mills says. "This major safety concern applies to any potentially dangerous aspect to life."

"Currently, there's a stigma with the condition, but I'd like to change the baseline for how we regard dementia," Mills says. "As with other medical conditions, Alzheimer's should not be about waiting to die - patients often live 15 years or more after a diagnosis. It should be about living with it."

About Kerry Mills

Kerry Mills, MPA, is an expert in best care practices for persons with dementia both in the home and in out-of-home health care residences and organizations. She is a consultant to numerous hospitals, assisted livings, hospice, home care agencies, senior day care centers and nursing homes. In her twelve-year career in health care, she has served as executive director and regional manager for numerous long-term dementia facilities. She is an outspoken advocate for persons with dementia, lecturing in Hong Kong, Canada, China, Europe and the United States. Her book, coauthored with Jennifer A. Brush, "I Care," (engagingalzheimers.com), is the 2014 Gold Award Winner of the National Mature Media Awards.

But it's not!

In the coming weeks Congress will be focused on developing next year's federal budget. Let them know that increasing funding for Alzheimer's research should be their TOP PRIORITY.

Urge your members of Congress to provide an additional $200 million in Alzheimer's research funding.

Early-stage colon cancer generally begins as a polyp, a growth that protrudes from the colon wall. Some polyps can turn into cancer, but regular screenings can help detect these polyps so they can be removed before they become cancerous. That's why regular screening for people over 50 and those at high risk of developing colon cancer is so important.

• Fecal occult blood test. A series of stool samples are taken and examined for hidden blood, since some polyps and cancers bleed. If blood is found in the stool sample, your doctor may order a colonoscopy for further evaluation.

• Double contrast barium enema. Liquid containing a contrast dye (to help it show up on an X-ray) is introduced into the colon through the rectum, and the area is X-rayed to check for polyps or abnormal lesions. If a polyp is found on the X-ray, a colonoscopy will be done as a follow-up test.

As we enter the year's final quarter, Dr. Robert J. Cerfolio, a world-renowned cardiothoracic surgeon, says it's never too early to think about self-improvement for the New Year ... and this year.

"Habitual procrastination can really hurt you in the long run because waiting to take care of something that's obviously important to you - health, money, family matters - weighs on your subconscious," says Dr. Cerfolio, known as "the Michael Jordan of lung surgery."

Understanding one's personal "line of gratification" is the foundation for sticking to self-improvement goals, he says.

"There are many kinds of lines of gratification," he says. "For some, they're the number of zeroes in their bank statement; for others, the curves of their muscles after they leave the gym. It's good and healthy to look back on your hard work and admire what you have accomplished before moving on to the next task."

Dr. Cerfolio, author of "Super Performing at Work and at Home: The Athleticism of Surgery and Life," shares tips on how to make those lines of gratification more impressive.

•  Be an early riser. The main reason operating rooms hum into action at 7 a.m. is tied to human physiology; the bodies of patients are better able to handle the stress of surgery at that time.

"People are generally better off getting work done early in the day when we're better prepared for stress and performance," he says. "And getting a job done early frees you up later in the day."

•  Love what you do. Why wouldn't you want to take ownership, responsibility and pride in what you do for a living? When you treat a job as only a means to a paycheck, you are missing the point. If your job isn't the one you'd really love to have, don't make it worse with a negative attitude. Instead, make it your own. Make it a point of personal integrity and principle to challenge yourself to achieve something every day. After all, 40 hours a week is a long time to stay anywhere.

•  Ask yourself: Did I really try my best? "I tried my best" is a common refrain from those who haven't reached their goals. An honest response you can ask yourself is, "Am I sure?" This question is not about being overly critical. It's simply about realizing that, if you had practiced or studied an extra 10 minutes each day, you would've been that much closer to your goals.

•  Set specific, measurable goals. Results define goals. Every individual should have clear goals that are objective and measurable. Goals such as "to be happy," "to do well at work" or "to get along" are too nebulous. To be successful, you have to be able to define your goals by measurable results.

•  Find the high ground. In anything you do, aspire to live up to the noblest, highest aspect of your job. Certain jobs - such as police work, firefighting, teaching or working in health care - are service oriented, so it's easier to feel good about your contributions. Look for the contributions you're making in your job and take pride in what you're doing to make the world a little better.

•  Be the go-to guy or girl. This takes time, practice and the confidence necessary to want the ball in a critical situation. Being the go-to guy or girl means being willing to take responsibility and risk failing. A go-to person is also willing to speak up about problems or changes necessary in a business or organization, and suggest solutions.

About Robert J. Cerfolio, MD, MBA

Robert J. Cerfolio, MD, MBA, is the James H. Estes Family Endowed Chair of Lung Cancer Research and Full Professor Chief of Thoracic Surgery at the University of Alabama in Birmingham. He received his medical degree from the University of Rochester School of Medicine, surgical training at the Mayo Clinic and at Cornell-Sloan Kettering hospital, and has been in practice for more than 26 years. The author of "Super Performing at Work and at Home," Cerfolio, who was a First Team Academic All-American baseball player in college, is a world-renowned chest surgeon and recognized as one of the busiest and best thoracic surgeons in the world.