Neglect. Abuse. Divorce. Addiction. These are just a few of the life experiences that can leave children emotionally bruised or worse, causing some to develop dysfunctional outlooks and behaviors that condemn them to perpetual self-victimization as adults.

"We not only perpetuate, but also protect the obstacles that stand in the way of our healing and happiness," says Marta Maranda. "But there is always a way through, no matter what your situation."

The author of "What It Looks Like," (http://martamaranda.com/), a new memoir detailing her own journey of healing, Maranda says she continued to use the defense mechanisms she developed in response to childhood trauma far into adulthood, which only served to block healthy emotional growth.

"As an adult decades after the initial abuse, I was still surrounding myself with similar trauma, and still reacting in the same ways to the trauma, even though those childhood survival tools no longer served me. Basically, the only one keeping me stuck in a dysfunctional and unfulfilling life was me."

Maranda says she didn't realize she played a part in her own dysfunction until the treatment of a family member for substance abuse caused her to think differently.

"I don't drink, use drugs, or have a sexual dysfunction. I've never even had a cup of coffee in my life," she says. "So it was easy to look at everyone else as the cause of my problems.

"But during family therapy sessions, I finally realized that there are two dysfunctional people in an unhealthy relationship, and there is an entire dysfunctional family in an unhealthy family system."

Maranda became a rarity: sober and voluntarily, she admitted herself into a five-week residential treatment center. That's where her healing began.

"But I'm not done," she says. "Healing involves tearing down all those dysfunctional coping mechanisms?fear, anger, denial, justification?and rebuilding your life piece by piece. I still have to do the work every day."

She offers these tips for others whose past trauma has resulted in self-destructive thought and behavior patterns, such as a willingness to remain in unhealthy relationships or an over-reliance on comforts like food, drugs, or alcohol to soothe painful emotions.

·  Look inward for reasons, not outward for blame.
It's easy to find other people or situations to blame for your problems. Even if the initial trauma was inflicted when you were at your most vulnerable, and by someone you should have been able to trust, at some point you have to take responsibility for your own life. "How are you contributing to the dysfunction in your life?" Maranda asks. "The decision to remain stuck in a dysfunctional life is yours. The responsibility to move forward toward healing and happiness is also yours."

·  If you've done it, admit it.
Look fearlessly at the wrong you've done, at the pain you've inflicted on yourself and others through your own dysfunctional behavior, and admit it. "Only by owning it can you change it," Maranda says. "And only through change can you heal." Likewise, look kindly and with humility at the good you've done. Own all that is valuable about you, and build upon it.

·  Information, not shame.
The lessons of healing always come with a choice: information or shame? If you are doing your healing work properly?meaning completely breaking down every defense mechanism you've built to keep yourself blind to your own dysfunctional behavior?the realizations that you've caused others harm, pain, or even extreme damage will come. But eventually you have to choose between continuing to feel shamed, which leads to feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, or accepting the realizations as the information necessary to repair your life. "Much like a doctor needs to objectively understand what's broken to diagnose a problem, so do you need to look objectively at your dysfunction and its consequences to heal it," Maranda says. "Then use your healthy guilt feelings, not shame, as a reminder of what you can't do again."

·  Build a support system.
No one's said it better than Einstein: You can't fix a problem with the same broken mind that created it. Left to their own devices, many people who are convinced they need to change will still seek out environments that support their dysfunctions rather than strengthen their healing. "Change is hard, and healing isn't always comfortable," Maranda says. "That's why people often find their way back to what they know, even if what they know is destructive or deadly." Building a support system of people?whether family or friends, or from a therapeutic or spiritual community?whose perspectives get you out of your comfort zone and away from the dysfunction you know is essential for healing.

About Marta Maranda

Marta Maranda is a writer, businesswoman, and author of "What It Looks Like," (http://martamaranda.com/). She holds a bachelor's degree in communications and undertook a year of post-graduate study in psychology. She is currently working on her second book.

PEORIA, Ill. (Nov. 19, 2014) - The first nationwide partnership and "Fuel Your Community" campaign between the American Red Cross and energy provider Suburban Propane in October helped collect thousands of lifesaving blood and platelet donations for patients at approximately 2,600 hospitals and transfusions centers served by the Red Cross.

Hundreds of Suburban Propane employees rolled up their sleeves to give blood and volunteer at 64 Red Cross blood drives across the country the October campaign, resulting in more than 1,500 blood donations at those drives, and nearly 600 first-time donors. With each blood donation potentially helping up to three people, as many as 4,500 lives could be impacted.

"Our employees are proud to support the American Red Cross and the hospitals and patients it serves," said Chief Operating Officer Mark Wienberg of Suburban Propane. "This is the sixth time Suburban Propane has partnered with the Red Cross to raise awareness about the constant need for blood and platelet donations, and is our largest and most successful effort to date. We look forward to continuing to support the Red Cross and its humanitarian mission with our national sponsorship."

Through the "Fuel Your Community" campaign, Suburban Propane also sponsored an advertising campaign to raise greater awareness for the constant need for blood and platelet donations, and donated a $5,000 Visa gift card for one lucky presenting blood donor to win.

"Partnering with civic-minded organizations, like Suburban Propane, is at the heart of our humanitarian and volunteer supported organization," said Donna M. Morrissey, director of national partnerships, Red Cross Blood Services. "With Suburban Propane's support, overall the Red Cross collected more than 460,000 blood donations at over 19,000 blood drives in October, helping to meet the need of about 15,000 blood donations every day for patients."

"It's the blood products already on the shelves that help to save lives in an emergency," said Shelly Heiden, community CEO, Red Cross Heart of America Blood Services Region. "Suburban Propane's support helps ensure that blood is available for cancer patients, those fighting blood diseases, trauma victims and others here in the Heart of America Region as well as patients throughout the country."

To learn more about blood donation or find a blood donation opportunity, download the Blood Donor App, visit redcrossblood.org or call 1-800-RED CROSS (1-800-733-2767). Eligible donors with all blood types - especially O negative, A negative and B negative - are needed to maintain an adequate supply for patients.

About the American Red Cross

The American Red Cross shelters, feeds and provides emotional support to victims of disasters; supplies about 40 percent of the nation's blood; teaches skills that save lives; provides international humanitarian aid; and supports military members and their families. The Red Cross is a not-for-profit organization that depends on volunteers and the generosity of the American public to perform its mission. For more information, please visit redcross.org or visit us on Twitter at @RedCross.

About Suburban Propane

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November 2014 (Muscatine, IA) Gilda's Club, Susan G. Komen Quad Cities, Flickinger Learning Center, and the Diversity Service Center Muscatine are partnering to put on a free of charge breast cancer awareness luncheon in Spanish. A $50 gas card will be raffled off. It will take place Saturday November 22nd at 12:30 p.m. at Flickinger Learning Center 413 Mulberry Avenue, Muscatine, IA. Please call the Diversity Service Center Muscatine at 563-264-8883 to register.

November 2014 (Davenport, IA) Gilda's Club invites women with breast cancer and their caregivers to a national patient education program. This thoughtful and comprehensive empowerment program streamlines information for women diagnosed with breast cancer to emphasize options and tools for decision-making around breast reconstruction.

This free workshop will have information on breast reconstruction after a breast cancer diagnosis. Come learn about:

• Breast reconstruction and non-reconstruction options

• How to make a decision that is right for you

• Medical factors that can influence your decision

• How to prepare for and what to expect after surgery

Our featured speaker is Dr. Stephen Bayne, Board Certified Plastic Surgeon. Dr. Bayne is a board certified plastic and reconstructive surgeon who was born and raised in the Midwest. Dr. Bayne has a Bachelor of Arts degree from Augustana College graduating in June 1984, he attended University of Illinois, College of Dentistry graduating in June 1986 with a Bachelor of Science degree in Dentistry. He atteneded Rush Medical College and completed his medical training in June 1990 with a doctorate in medicine. Dr. Bayne completed seven years of surgical residency: in 1990 to 1995 he attended Akron City Hospital for General surgery and in June 1995 to 1997 he completed his Plastic Surgery training from Summa Health Systems, Akron Ohio. He served as Chief Resident in General Surgery as well as in Plastic Surgery. Dr. Bayne is Board Certified by The American Society of Plastic Surgery.

This workshop is free of charge and dinner is provided.

November 20th at 6:00 pm at Gilda's Club 1234 East River Drive, Davenport, IA

Please call Gilda's Club to register at (563) 326-7504