12 Oct 2014

From Rad to Worst: "Alexander & the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day," "Dracula Untold," "Addicted," and "The Judge"

By Mike Schulz

Friday, October 10, 10:05 a.m.-ish: My latest quartet of screenings starts with an adaptation of the beloved children's book Alexander & the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. It's a shame that the title has already eaten up about half my word count, because I now have far less space in which to rave about this surprisingly fantastic family comedy whose unforced cheerfulness is matched by its completely unexpected wit.

05 Oct 2014

So Bye Bye, Miss American Pike: “Gone Girl,” “Left Behind,” and “Annabelle”

By Mike Schulz

David Fincher's Gone Girl, adapted from screenwriter Gillian Flynn's 2012 literary phenomenon, opened on Friday. I was tempted to compose this review under the headline “SPOILER ALERT!” just to make it absolutely clear that, in order to offer a thorough opinion, I'd be revealing elements of this suspense thriller that the uninitiated might not want revealed. But after a couple of days spent sitting on the experience, I'm not certain that going into the movie's specifics is all that necessary, as long as (MODERATE-SPOILERS ALERT!) I'm allowed to share my impressions that (1) the role of Rosamund Pike's titular Amy Dunne is a co-lead opposite Ben Affleck's Nick Dunne; (2) almost no scene featuring Amy reads as remotely believable; and (3) in the end, that doesn't matter all that much.

28 Sep 2014

Both Eyes for an Eye, a Jaw for a Tooth: "The Equalizer" and "The Boxtrolls"

By Mike Schulz

Denzel Washington in The EqualizerTHE EQUALIZER

As he did, to great acclaim and an Oscar victory, in director Antoine Fuqua's Training Day, Denzel Washington plays a psychopath in Fuqua's new action thriller The Equalizer. And the most interesting thing about the movie - in truth, the only interesting thing about this laughably earnest, resoundingly foolish endeavor - is that none of its on- or off-screen participants seems to realize it.

21 Sep 2014

Walking, Running, Retching, Kvetching: "A Walk Among the Tombstones," "The Maze Runner," "Tusk," and "This Is Where I Leave You"

By Mike Schulz

Liam Neeson in A Walk Among the TombstonesFriday, September 19, 10:10 a.m.-ish: It's been six weeks since my last quadruple feature, and I'm expecting this one to start with supreme novelty, considering that the poster for the day's first feature, A Walk Among the Tombstones, boasts the image of a brooding Liam Neeson holding a gun. That's right: Liam Neeson! That guy from Schindler's List! Brooding and holding a gun! How does Hollywood keep coming up with such fresh ideas?!

14 Sep 2014

Tony Soprano and a Pit Bull Walk into a Bar ... : "The Drop," "Dolphin Tale 2," and "No Good Deed"

By Mike Schulz

Tom Hardy in The DropTHE DROP

Tom Hardy, by this point in his career, has had enough major roles in enough major movies to qualify as a familiar face. And a good thing, too, because if we were forced to rely on his voice and specific screen type, how, from film to film, would we ever recognize him? The British star's latest is the crime thriller The Drop, and it's a solid piece of work - hardly novel, but gripping and enjoyable nonetheless. Yet it's tough to imagine any Hardy fan even thinking about skipping it, considering that, much like the recent home-video release Locke, the movie allows this brilliantly chameleon-like character actor to perform an exquisite slow burn that lasts 90-ish minutes, and to sound and seem quite unlike anyone he's ever played before.

08 Sep 2014

The King, and More Royal Subjects: "The Identical," "Locke," "Only Lovers Left Alive," "The Normal Heart," and "The Spoils of Babylon"

By Mike Schulz

Blake Rayne, Ashley Judd, and Ray Liotta in The IdenticalDirector Dustin Marcellino's The Identical is for anyone who ever wanted to see a fictionalized account of the birth of the Elvis-impersonator movement. Or anyone who'd enjoy Presley's songs more if their melodies weren't so complex and their lyrics weren't so depraved. Or anyone who's been yearning to see Ray Liotta play a devout evangelist who explains to his congregation why he just lit eight candles on a menorah, when, as we can see, he clearly lit nine.

31 Aug 2014

Midnight Below Paris: "As Above, So Below" and "The November Man"

By Mike Schulz

Marion Lambert and Perdita Weeks in As Above, So BelowAS ABOVE, SO BELOW

Sometimes, because our expectations for it are usually so low, all a horror film needs to get by is a really juicy setting. Of course, it helps if there's also some talent involved, and I'm pleased to report that John Erick Dowdle's As Above, So Below actually has both. This claustrophobic creep-out may be frequently silly and too inscrutable for its own good, but it boasts a spectacularly eerie locale in its Parisian catacombs (home to the remains of 6 million deceased), and Quarantine and Devil director Dowdle continues his impressive run of lending superb craftsmanship to routine scare-flick scenarios.

24 Aug 2014

Gridiron Man: "When the Game Stands Tall" and "If I Stay"

By Mike Schulz

When the Game Stands TallWHEN THE GAME STANDS TALL

Inspirational sports dramas, particularly inspirational high-school-sports dramas, can boast many virtues, and even the crummier ones can be a lot of fun. But one thing they're not generally known for is surprise, which is why it's all the more flabbergasting that When the Game Stands Tall has such a doozy of one at its center: the leading performance, and maybe the finest one yet, by Jim Caviezel. Director Thomas Carter's football saga is actually pretty terrific for a number of reasons. Yet despite working within a formula, and with the type of role, in which beats and arcs so often feel preordained, Caviezel provides one happy surprise after another, principally - and misleadingly - by appearing to do next to nothing at all.

24 Aug 2014

Noir Is the Dullest Color: "Sin City: A Dame to Kill for" and "Island of Lemurs: Madagascar"

By Mike Schulz

Eva Green in Sin City: A Dame to Kill forSIN CITY: A DAME TO KILL FOR

Let's cut to the chase: I don't like Sin City: A Dame to Kill for. But what I especially don't like is knowing that I'll eventually have to watch at least a portion of it again, because the only things I really cared for in this stylized noir were the scenes with Eva Green, and after waking from my brief and unanticipated nap, she was gone from the movie and never returned. What the hell happened to her? And if I was enjoying Green's performance as much as I thought I was, why did I fall asleep in the first place?

17 Aug 2014

They're Getting Too Old for This S--- : "The Expendables 3"

By Mike Schulz

Sylvester Stallone in The Expendables 3THE EXPENDABLES 3

To date, Sylvester Stallone has played Rocky Balboa on-screen six times, John Rambo four times, and, with the release of The Expendables 3, Barney Ross three times. According to the Internet Movie Database, Rambo V, with Stallone writing and starring, is currently in pre-production, and Rocky is set to return in a new feature titled Creed. In other words, Sylvester Stallone is the very last man you'd want handling the remains of your beloved dead horse.

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