31 Mar 2014

There's Gonna Be a Floody, Floody: "Noah"

By Mike Schulz

Jennifer Connelly and Russell Crowe in NoahNOAH

Like most of you, I'd presume, I've known the biblical story of Noah's Ark since early childhood. And also, presumably like most of you, I've always kind of wondered how Noah was able to construct a floating vessel big and sturdy enough to carry "two of all living creatures, male and female" through 40 days and 40 nights of torrential downpours and Earth-engulfing floods. But with the release of Darren Aronofsky's Noah, the answer to the question of "Who built the Ark?" has finally been provided, and - who woulda thunk it? - apparently we have Frank Langella and Nick Nolte to thank.

23 Feb 2014

Are You Not Entertained?!: "Pompeii," "3 Days to Kill," and "Winter's Tale"

By Mike Schulz

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje and Kit Harington in PompeiiPOMPEII

About a half-hour into Paul W.S. Anderson's Pompeii, the film's protagonist - a gladiator-turned-slave amusingly named Milo - hears the unfamiliar sound of the nearby Mount Vesuvius preparing to erupt. "It is the mountain," says Milo's comrade Atticus. "It grumbles from time to time." So do movie reviewers, and this latest 3D action spectacle by the director of Mortal Kombat, Death Race, and a trio of Resident Evil flicks would, at first glance, appear to be exactly the sort of thing I'd personally grumble about: a predictably corny, derivative, overscaled costume party with loads of generic violence and nothing in the way of subtlety or emotional nuance.

Yet while it's easy to name the movie's most direct influences, Gladiator and Titanic chief among them, what I didn't at all expect was for this swords-and-sandals outing to be so thoroughly, cheerfully indebted to 1970s disaster epics in the vein of The Towering Inferno and The Poseidon Adventure; Pompeii, to its cheeky credit, is kind of like 1974's Earthquake with the ancient Roman city cast in the role of Los Angeles.

16 Jan 2011

Cheat of the Moment: "The Dilemma" and "The Green Hornet"

By Mike Schulz

Winona Ryder, Jennifer Connelly, Vince Vaughn, and Kevin James in The DilemmaTHE DILEMMA

Leaving a screening of The Dilemma, a friend sitting several rows away caught up with me, and asked if the film we just saw would likely make my list of the year's worst movies. I can't tell you how much I'm hoping it will, because if not, 2011 is going to be positively excruciating.

10 Feb 2009

Save the Dates: "He's Just Not That Into You"

By Mike Schulz

Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Aniston, and Jennifer Connelly in He's Just Not That Into YouHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

With its nine central roles, dovetailing narratives, and 129-minute running length, He's Just Not That Into You is like a chick flick on steroids. Based on a jokey "self-help" book by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, director Ken Kwapis' comedy concerns the romantic tribulations of a bunch of young (or young-ish) hotties in present-day Baltimore, and it's all pretty easy to pick apart; the characters are too archetypal, the plotting is too convenient, and none of the movie's frequent dating advice is as insightful as it clearly wants to be. Even that "present-day" aspect is problematic, as the film, completed in 2007, finds a character hooking up through MySpace, for Pete's sake.

26 Jan 2009

Rap, Flap, Crap: "Notorious," "Inkheart," and "Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

By Mike Schulz

Jamal Woolard in NotoriousNOTORIOUS

Every musician's life is different, of course, but every musical bio-pic seems fundamentally the same: The humble beginnings, followed by the first hints of greatness, followed by the early romantic interests, followed by the steady rise to fame, followed by the new romantic interests, followed by the explosive success, followed by the personal setbacks, followed by the professional setbacks, followed by the cementing of the legend ... and if the movie can find room for a title card reading "With his life he proved that no dream is too big," so much the better.

17 Dec 2008

When Worlds Collide: "The Day the Earth Stood Still," "Nothing Like the Holidays," and "Delgo"

By Mike Schulz

This past Friday, larger movie markets saw the debuts of John Patrick Shanley's Doubt, Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino, and Steven Soderbergh's Argentinia epic Che.

Our market, meanwhile, only got The Day the Earth Stood Still, Nothing Like the Holidays, and Delgo.

Sigh. Let's dive in, then.

08 Jan 2002

For Your Consideration ...: "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring," "A Beautiful Mind," "Kate & Leopold," "Ali," and "The Majestic"

By Mike Schulz

Sean Bean, Orlando Bloom, and Viggo Mortensen in The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the RingTHE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring has now been out for so long, has made so much money, and has been reaping so many critical accolades - it was just named the AFI's Best Picture in its inaugural awards ceremony - that I'm not sure much more needs to be said about it.

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