My dad, who lives with my mom in Crystal Lake, Illinois, turned 80 last week. As with many other recent celebrations – all of ours, everywhere – our family's planned-for birthday party never took place, and we're going to have to wait a while before we can officially convene in Dad's favorite Brazilian restaurant. (Which might actually be the rest of the family's favorite Brazilian restaurant, but hey – Pop likes it, too.) In the meantime, this one's for you, Dad – I'm finally reviewing Evil Under the Sun!

Not that any of you need to be told this, but self-quarantining can play really weird tricks with your mind and emotions, even in regard to entertainment. The other night, in preparation for this article, I re-watched Barry Levinson's Diner – an all-time favorite since I was 15, and a comedy that never ceases to amuse me. But when, during one of the film's most memorable squabbles, Daniel Stern grabbed half of Steve Guttenberg's roast-beef sandwich and started to eat it, I flinched. Fer chrissakes, I instinctively thought, what are you thinking?! Isn't is bad enough that you guys are sitting shoulder-to-shoulder in public?!?”

I think all of us could benefit from a healthy dose of Hollywood-induced pleasure-pain, and the following five titles are favorites that set off the waterworks like nobody's business every time – and there have been many times – I've watched them. Be forewarned that mild, hopefully not-detrimental spoilers abound … and because the most recent included title is 27 years old, I'm feeling little guilt about including them.

The following five, all boasting film scripts by the plays' original authors, are previously unreviewed titles that combine my adoration for cinema and theatre so effectively that they give me the charge of both artistic mediums for the price of one. I restricted my options to movies released in the last 36 years, and if that seems like an odd numeric point from which to jump, it did at least give me the chance to finally talk about …